Y
Sunday, March 30, 2008
FLAWS
I like them..
its what makes you YOU! =)
please believe me again at 2:03 PM
Y
Friday, March 28, 2008
smiling a lil brighter
laughing alot louder
loving even harder
missing all the chatter
makes leaving,such a blunder
this is how you make me feel
got me turning like a wheel
with you being so genteel
your heart shining like steel
it was oh-so surreal
am i making too big of a deal
all these flaws i try to conceal
was i ever your ideal
questions linger making us forlorn
yet in your arms i wanna be every morn
and so we don't care about the thorn
because with you i cant help but be lovelorn
this is for you baby monkey!!! eep! hehehe
and its gonna be 4am!
gosh! i better be off! =)
please believe me again at 3:03 AM
Y
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
With dirt and grime
Alas, even with time
The glimmer and shine all goes down
As situations make us frown
Then, I found this treasure
But its giving a lil pressure
Despite it all we try to smile
Trying not to become senile
I try to understand
Yet I want to defend
My believe, it stands its ground
Oh! Its love I’ve found
At times
Behind pantomimes
I try to hide
Till it all disappears with the tide
Do you see my fears
As I cry these futile tears
I just have no clue
If I’ll ever make you rue
It never is easy
Sometimes leaving me queasy
But it seems
That even my screams
Make no sound
Yet with you, I’m bound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
please believe me again at 7:51 PM
Y
Monday, March 24, 2008
Saturday the 22nd
it was a roller coaster ride of emotions
but fun nonetheless
asal's church easter drama thingee
was really really good..
better than the first i must say..
oH! expo's book fair is awesome!
the kind of books they have..
hahaha..nvm..
one should definitely go check it out though..
jason and his jokes always crack me up
and he's just the sweetest ever
kinda like a kid too
wanting to play on the bouncy monkey castle and whatnot..hehe
i dunno wad exactly makes me love him so much
but i guess its everything about him
i've also never had that much fun at changi airport in my life
hahaha
gosh! the way he swept me off my feet n kissed me..
hehe..
noone can replace him
and everytime i wanna tell him how much i love him..
the words just never seem to come out
just tears that flow..cuz thats how much he means to me
and i dont wanna ever lose him
i'm afraid of that..
of the future..
and everytime i wanna tell my mum
about all of this..
i just cant seem to be able to..
it has to wait..just for now..
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty
and i'm gonna cherish everything i have
till i figure it all out
do what you need to-he says
i can't do this without you-she says
i'll be by you, i believe in you-he says
i know you will, its sometimes me i dont believe in-she says
then believe in yourself just like i do-he says
(he thinks why doesnt she see what i see in her?)
what if i walk away someday will you run after me and stop me?
or would you just let me go after everything that we've built? -she questions
would you? -he asks
silence....
questions with no answers
for only time will tell
just for now and maybe forever do me one favour..
hold me tight and never let go
no matter whatever stupid things i do..
all i ask of you
is to save me from myself-she finally says
cuz we all need someone to save us from time to time
cuz sometimes we are only able to see ourselves through someone else's eyes
and what's his reply?..
please believe me again at 11:27 PM
Y
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
its 3 am and i know i'm not gonna sleep early tonight..
but i'll have to try
cuz my mom is gonna wrry if i dont..
bleagh!
gaya has been the most amazing n wonderful person
anyone can ask for..
especially for someone in my shoes
those secret confessions she's able to bring out
and tell me things as they are
which i dont want to truly admit to..
i just want to let you know
even if you might not read this
that i'm not frustrated or upset with you
its just everything is getting to me..
and the bottomline is..
i miss you so much it hurts..
it hurts soo bad..
3 more days..but it feels like torture to my heart
please hold me tight n dont let go
i'll cherish every second spent with you
love you sweetheart..
please believe me again at 3:07 AM
MSN and its faults!
when one chats on msn
there are many technicalities involved
you have to understand the person whom you are chatting with well enough
which means to say that you happen to chat with this person
so much so that even chatting online
sounds like a conversation over the phone
and if you dont..then i daresay that the conversation is going to be one
where the tone is either hyper or at least monotonous.
and if you do not know the person well enough to know how he/she chats
please ask if in doubt on what the person is trying to convey across to you
dont assume he/she is pissed or upset at you
just cause the words give that meaning...
one has to look at the tone of it too
and also how it is typed..
and if you are not good at analysing it
and reading the message behind the way one types when chatting on msn..
again please dont assume
and lastly please dont leave the person hanging
MSN is the gateway to misunderstading
and if you dont clear up the misunderstanding
or miscommunication
it makes the person frustrated n pissed off
even when he/she or in this case..
especially me..
wasnt feeling that way in the first place
argh! and now i'm having a headache!
dammit!
on a lighter note..
the nanny diaries is a nice movie to watch =)
please believe me again at 1:45 AM
Y
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
okay..
so here's a reality check
we all need one once and awhile..
so today at around 2plus am till 4am
i did some research on religion
on his and mine
and the conflicts
so roman catholic and islam...
HmM..there were soo many conflicting views
and i do have faith in my religion
but its just some things that i dont follow
cuz i dont understand it
so i have sinned i guess
i'm supposed to go for religious classes and i still havnt
anyway..i researched on the Holy Quran!
and then i read about converting
and so many other things
Now, i'm confused..ok not exactly confused
but i dont know what to do..
i dont wanna lose him just cause of religion..
i love the way he is
his wonderful heart
and everything else good and bad
and i love the way things are now
then again my logical mind tells me..
there's still a long long way to go for us..
i mean..we only know each other for a month plus
we still got to learn so much more about each other
and when it comes to being with someone forever..
its not about their personality and character
but also about how living with them will be like
will you be happy for the rest of your life?
thats a question you have to ask yourself
and i for one know that i'm not that easy a person to live with
so will he be able to bear with me?
i have no idea!
the feeling of love
that you feel for someone also fades as time goes by..
no matter how hard you try to keep it alive..
its not easy..
from what i have experienced with my friends and their relationships
i think i'll only be able to tell if a relationship can work out after 3 years or more..
by then i'll bet my family would start hating me..
oh well..
anyway..
there's still a long way to go
and i think that we should take it real slow
see where it goes..
eventually if it doesnt work out
which i dont think would be the situation at all..
i just hope that we can take a step back
still remaining as really close good friends
cuz by then we'd know so much about each other
and we'd be able to help out each other
but it would hurt soo terribly..
gosh! screw it!
i wanna be with him!
end of story!
please believe me again at 3:53 PM
Y
Sunday, March 16, 2008
gosh!
this is not easy!
dreams of you have been happening
four days in a row now
making me miss you more terribly then ever
when i get up
and not talking to you?
that's harder!
i look at your smses, pics, stuff
but its not enough
i still miss your voice, your presense
should i break it?
well i still wanna know
(even though i kinda already know what it feels like)
how it'll feel when you're not there at all
i wanna know how much more i'll miss you
and how much it'll ache to not have you there
maybe it'll give me time to think about stuff too
but it makes me wonder how you're dealing with it..
is it any easier for you?
whatever are you thinking about when i'm not there..hMm..
*sighs*
i need to breathe!
just breathe!
for now..
i'll just have to give it time..
my mind's going on overdrive thinking about you
feel like i'm gonna have a headache..
maybe i should just try to sleep properly..
yess! sleep!
i should try sleeping at 12am instead of 6am
but seriously though what's the point
when you miss someone way too much
to the point that you become like a zombie?
lalalala!
can't help it
just can't!
will i have the strength to fight?
will you still be there after it all goes down?
after everything i throw at you?
i dont want you to ever cry
i feel like i'm the reason for those tears
and i dont want to be
i want to be the reason for your laughter and your smile
i wanna be with you through all the good and the bad
and i'll hold on till my fingers bleed
no matter how hard it gets
but then again it's easier said than done..
please believe me again at 2:38 PM
Y
Saturday, March 15, 2008
late night convos
phonecalls and smses
things that never always go right
pretense
secret confessions
and finally...
laying my life out on a beam
for that hope
thats the hols for me..
how about yours?
haha. =)
please believe me again at 2:21 AM
Y
Friday, March 14, 2008
in all that silence
in all that darkness
and in all that despair
i only hope for the best
holding my tongue
retracing my steps
praying never to hurt
i only hope you dont detest
as i crumble helpless
in need of your guidance
when i have lied
to see your smile
i only hope you understand
yet you make me tear
but i make no judgements
your faults are clear
my heart unwavering
wishes it all to stop
stuck on things
that don’t really matter
issues spiral out of control
darling dear
harsh words, intolerance
make for another door
I fear
There’s more to come..
Give and take
Things I gotta learn
Its hard
When you’re still getting to know another
All their imperfections slowly seeping through
That’s with time and then again with it
You find new ways to cope
Difficult..but I’ll try
love you baby! =)
please believe me again at 1:43 AM
Y
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
you give me so much love baby
wadever would i do without you is beyond me
i love you
but i'm so afraid of all this
i'm afraid to be without you
yet i'm so afraid i might hurt you if i am with you too
you trust me and believe in me soo much
that you swear
which you shouldnt
you give me soo much happiness
but somewhere
deep in my heart
i still have that fear
those insecurities
can you take them all away?
i cant breathe..
feel like its suffocating me
and your love is something i nvr wanna give up
please believe me again at 5:54 PM
Y
Sunday, March 02, 2008
these depressive tears
messin up my functions and gears
is this gravity’s ploy
makin me feel like a stringed up toy
every step i take away from you hurts
scared of what my heart and mind blurts
weavin snatches of a dream
love,joy,people moulded into this beam
that my whole life leans against
caught up in all the rampant angst
i get lost sometimes
in all the drama and the phantom mimes
you show me this beautiful world
of secret fairy tales untold
and yet when i take my step towards luck
i am scared of becomin a sittin duck
for fear of loss
and lettin you become the boss
of this feeble weak heart
once an unforgivin, complete tart
i crumbled at the edges
with just your words and your touches
don’t tell me that santa and fairies are true
cause i ain’t that much of a fool
but i do know bout life
and it’s strives
and if you wanna accompany me
along this long long journey
my heart lays down a red carpet
take my hand and don’t fret
for i’ll always be there for you
like you are for me boo
this is taken from gaya's blog and i think its really sweet
bits of it inspired by me..
and she hopes i can relate to it..
in this dilemma that i'm facing
she and neeraj being there
hearing me out has helped alot
i thank you both alot
and for the poem too
and now that i've come to a decision
that i have
i wonder..
am i making a mistake?
there are so many conflicts
but i want to take them all on
just to get what makes me happy
which is YOU
and i hope you know that dearest
yet i fear..
fear so much that the end
might not be a fairytale afterall..
please believe me again at 9:42 PM
Y
Saturday, March 01, 2008
words may sting and those are the symptoms of insecurities
my insecurities..
how do i ever know what is real and what is not?
after all that..
i know i built barriers that are difficult to break
no matter what the other does
but you are able to break in
and make me so scared
i dont ever wanna lose you
i dont think i'll ever be the same if that were to happen
you are the only one who can hurt me like you do
and take that pain away like you do too..
i've really never felt this way..
i'm so sorry..
i wont hurt you again..
i never meant to..
but really though..
what if there's someone better for you?
what if you decide that i'm all wrong for you?
and i know you arent that kind of person..
but like what neeraj says..its always a fear
yet again..there's trust
and i trust you
so i'll never think that again
i heart you love!
please believe me again at 1:51 PM