Y
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Life never turns out the way you want it to.
Sometimes, you just want it to go right for once
but it never does.
But sometimes, life surprises you.
It takes a different route
and the changes might seem weird at first,
but it's actually turning out for the better.
I wish life surprises me more.
i'm tired of knowing what's around every corner
It wouldn't hurt having surprises more often right? =)
It's funny how things that looks so perfect and whole on the outside
are not what they look like on the inside.
Like, you'd tell people how perfect your family is
when it's actually all screwed up on the inside.
Or people think that your family is all happy and perfect..
when it so isnt true..
A family where loving you means getting good grades and obeying blindly.
Never argue even when you're right cos you're never right.
You're always wrong.
A family where following your dream is a big no-no
cos it will lead you nowhere.
You're biggest dream would beyour biggest downfall.
A family where snide remarks and bribery
replaces encouragement and rightful rewards.
And at times, you are given rewards for no apparent reason..
making you feel guilty for not being able to give them what they want
And you can never seem to do enough to impress them.
And when they care, you feel suffocated.
I wonder how you survive living in these kinds of families.
It's like a "stepford" family..
It's like MY family.
Many ask how can I survive.
Well I can..
For me, I guess it's not so hard since I have lived this way since ever!
It gets difficult at times..
but I try to get through it..
with my own reasonable boundaries and lies here and there
Fear, that never goes away
Guilt, that will forever stay
Its ok, I keep telling myself..
that its fair.
Its a lie to myself.
Drama rehearsals are getting more and more draining!!
No matter, all I have to do is think of him and I get all so happy!!
I think I shall pass him my complimentary ticket..
He is the reason..for everything!!
My smiles, my shyness, my blushes, my old self!!
It seems too good to be true
Its hard to believe
And I dont really know if he really likes me or not..
He is like gold..Its true..to geetha and even me..
I would nvr hurt him knowingly
I need to know..
More than anything if he likes me
and what he wants out of this..
Ok..enough sidetracking..
Back to rehearsals!
they are gonna end at 11pm!!
just thinking about it makes me tired..
But NO! I won't be..if he's there especially..
If I pass him my complimentary ticket..
I really hope he can make it..
Speaking of tickets
I need to find out if I can go Aarathana with him! =D
Guess I'll go ask now!
Oh..and the VMAs are on now!!
Heard from Shaminah its the best VMAs so far!
Gonna go check it out!! =))
please believe me again at 7:49 PM
Y
Friday, September 21, 2007
Shy!!
gosh! I am shy!
I actually blush!
Hahahaxz!
Time to start afresh!Laughter!Tears! all over again..=)Hope things would work out.Never felt this way before.Its strange.=)Get me high on you.Oh please boy.You know I like you! =)Miss my old sem 1 class!Love W25P to bits!!New sem 2 classmates are alrite..Needs time to warm up..Walked around school in a corset..
got whistled at..
and got called a vixen..
all that matters though is that I went to his class..=)
Concentrate sari!Concentrate!Havnt been paying attention in class lately..Been too glued to my comp..chatting away..Freaking obvious why..hope you feel the same. =)
please believe me again at 12:26 AM
Y
Sunday, September 16, 2007
so i went on a date..
with hesh..
i'm glad i went..
i had a good time..
watched ratatouille..
but i jus cant
i cant forget
i try..but i cant
i wish i opened up more..
*sighs*
i met up with jay
banu's ex boyfren..
to hang out for abit..
he's a nice guy..
still dont know if i'll go for his 21st b'dae party..HmM..
i am going to try harder now than ever before
on everything!
new sem, new class, new start =)
please believe me again at 10:36 PM
Y
Friday, September 14, 2007
I hate myself at times!
Got a date today..and i dont even feel like going for it
I have my reasons to go..
It'll help to forget
But maybe it might worsen things..
Either way its the only way I can probably face things and move on
"the time we met was...mesmeririzing :)"
wish he didnt have to say that
its confirmed then..i shouldnt stay..
there will alway be better people out there for me..
I dunno what i'm doing right now..
Just doing all this..
Dont really feel a sense of purpose part from drama and school..
Sometimes I say things which I regret..
I am too plaful at times..
saying things I dont really mean..
In the end causing people to think i have other intentions..
I dont..
I dont want to date, I dont want to do all of that anymore..
I want a break..
Cant we all be friends?
Maybe its too much to ask..
But its only so if you make it such..
well I gotta go off for drama rehearsals now..
shall forget this ever happened..
please believe me again at 1:30 PM
Y
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
i noe i noe..
havnt been updating lately..
well alot of stuff has been happening..
went to catch a movie with joel
cut rehearsals to meet my sec sch fren amrit
I MISS HER LOADS!!
speaking of which..
I MISS MY BESTIEEEE PRIYA!!!!
made plans and more plans to go out
-with hesh
and
-with gorgeous eyes! :P
why do people think its easy for me to get guys??
its not true..
if they only knew..
if YOU only knew..
I shut myself out..
I wait in the darkness..
Pretend to be happy in the light..
But noone knows..
Dont know if I should leave
Or stay
Its pointless
Hopeless
Yet I hold on
Its dumb
I should leave
Its hard
With nothing to pick me up
when i fall..
Noone..
I found out some things..
I know why you and everyone acts that way to me now
I know you too well
You know me too well
Its hurts
The things you do
Am happy that you told me everything
I thank you!
Now I wanna bring someone to this class chalet
It serves a purpose
But I cant get anyone
Everyone's busy..
It reminds me of the past..
I am leaving..
So I tell you..
I wish you knew how much I love you
How much I miss you
And how it'll always be that way
even if you dont know it
And probably nvr will
Maybe it's better this way
Just know that I'll always miss you like the desert needs the rain..
Walk on by my pretty lullaby..
But I hate that I love you so..
Love, a dreadful bond, yet so easily severed
I hope hesh can make it..really
Since someone else cant..
I have noone else to ask..
Am hoping to leave it..
the past.
Live a life of happiness
Or a life of meaning
One cant have both
When you live a life of happiness
You have to live in the present
Should nvr look back upon your past
When you live a life of meaning
Your past will torment you
For you will try to make things of your past right again
In it there's purpose of your present/future
In a mere mth and a half..
I nvr knew you
Though I thought I did
You nvr knew me
Though you thought you did
Within a mere 2 weeks to a mth
I knew YOU
I realise it now
But its a lil too late
You knew me
and you tried to convince me
I nvr listened
You asked..
I declined.
A stupid thing to do!
Now I regret my decision
but life is too short for regrets right?
Time..
It will make things better..
=)
plugin: hate that I love you by rihanna feat neyo
please believe me again at 4:41 PM