Y
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on me
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but
It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you
If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other
Just realize
its a nice song by colbie caillat
makes me wonder..
decisions and choices..
both are different..
decisions being harder to make..
choices on the other hand being easier..
the reason?
choices are something you settle for
and you feel that its alright if you regret it..
decisions are something different altogether..
you go for it..dont look back and dont regret it..
i have always made the wrong choices
when it comes to certain things in my life..
and now for once i've decided to make a decision!
lalalala..
and it feels so right
please believe me again at 4:17 PM
Y
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Making a fool of ourselves.
and then embarassing ourselves.
arent we all afraid of that?
well there are some people who arent afraid.
they are themselves
and they dont let what others say affect them in anyway.
if others laugh at them.
they are glad that people find them amusing.
and best of all, they are able to laugh at themselves.
I think having that kind of fearlessness and confidence is great.
I mean so what if you are fat cause you just love food and hate to exercise?
So what if you can't sing?
So what if you can't dance?
If it makes you happy singing at the top of your lungs
off pitch and outta tune.its cool as long you can laugh at yourself
and you dont get hurt when others laugh at you.
If it makes you happy dancing
even when you cant dance..it's cool as long as it makes you smile
and people around you smile.
afterall..you have one life. live it.
go after what you want
its worth it.
make people around you happy.
its worth it.
but most importantly..be happy with yourself.
afterall..if you dont accept who you are
then who else would?
anyway,
am meeting jason tmr
and i really cant wait
its fun hanging out with him
and he makes me smile =D
sad thing is when he isnt there i miss him
oh well!
hope he likes the surprise b'day gift i'm gonna give him tmr.
i pray i can get it out of the hse without suspicion
living the life i am living isnt great.
lies, cover-up stories, silent tears, the anger, frustration, guilt
gosh! OC dramatics it is!
why cant they just understand?
i want to tell the truth.
i really do.
but everytime i do.
i get hurt.
i realise that dad..
you dont trust me.
and mum..
you arent there for me like you used to.
and you're the only person who understands.
but that is if you know me.
you dont anymore.
and it kills me.
then i have to work my way up again.
gaining everything i've lost in that battle of 4 days or so.
and why cant my brother be more sensitive towards me?
he invades my privacy wanting to know more about my life.
if i tell, i might as well be dead!
i cant handle this.
i cant.
not on my own anyway.
oh well..someday they will know just how much i cant take this.
i really dont know when i will snap.
i just pray it wont be too soon.
my vulnerability is back.
and i hate it.
friends keep me sane and grounded.
i need you guys more than ever now.
loves! =)
please believe me again at 11:31 PM
Y
Friday, February 22, 2008
its 2.42 am
and i'm thinking about dreams and possibilities
dreams are possibilities to us
and possibilities become dreams for us
and its the same in many situations of our lives if you think about it
i'm not only talking about it in terms of career and stuff
but about relationships too
but will we ever stive to achieve those dreams?
will we ever think of the possibilities which turn into dreams and make them reality?
i guess that will be a battle of the mind and heart..
an age old battle of logical thinking and a chamber of emotions..
before anything can be said or done for that matter.
i guess it takes time for one to really go after what they truly want
and sometimes when something good is right in front of your eyes..
you dont realise it..till its gone
but by then..its too late..
the opportunity..the possibility..that door has already been shut..
the realm of that dream crumbles
and the chaos it leaves in its wake
is a heart that yearns for that loss
and there's a mind that filled with unrest
till it gets its fill.
i'm not gonna get my hopes up!
i'll keep doing my thing
and you keep doing yours
if ever you feel it's right..
seize that opportunity and let me know
i'll be here.
please believe me again at 2:41 AM
Y
Thursday, February 21, 2008
stuck on repeat right now..
please please please
i pray
dont let the things that arent supposed to happen happen
we have dreams
who's to fulfill them?
who knows?
all i know is that
this is real, this is good
it warms the insides just like it should
but most of all, most of all
its built to last
(this song is real nice by melee called built to last)
anyway..
all i wanna say is..
i love my frens
they give me strength when i am down
this goes out to neeraj and jason and sanjay for now
and all my galfrens like amrit,fifa and asal
asal: love, you're the one who always tells me things like they are. you give me the harsh reality holding nothing back and you stand by me and care.
fifa:darling, you're the one who can read me like a book and tell me when i'm living a lie which i know i am at times and you make me face it. you always just want me to be happy and ou know how it feels.
amrit: you dont even know the existance of this blog but seeing you after a year..i'll remember the good and the bad times i've had with you. our silent fights that brought us closer. you accept me for who i am. the good and the bad and bear with it. i love you for that.
neeraj: i was hesitant at first. but as i got to know you better, you became someone i could count on to share my problems and complicated situations and talking to you always made me feel better. i thank you for that and cuz of you, i met sanjay! haha. and i dont ever wanna lose you.
sanjay: nee's friend. the first time i saw you i remember the reaction of everyone not talking much around me. weird shit! but hey! getting to know you better thru msn has been great! now i know it'll be more noiser when i'm around!
jason: random! awesome! you have always showed me that you're there for me whether i need you or not..you're still there..getting to know you..taking a leap of faith..taking a risk or two..a chance..it has been great! and i nvr wanna lose you! (so far this is what i feel) =)
of course i could go on n on..but i just wanna stop here for now.
my friends are my escape and they always make me smile..
they care for me lots!
and i love them for it!
and they know how much i love them too!
muacks! and huggies!
love y'all!
anyway! meeting fifa ystday was great!
got a prezzie for someone too!
hope he likes it really!
gonna see jason on sunday!
cant wait!
gaming and fun fun fun!
i'm glad that i walked away from things that made me feel fucked up
and it was the right thing to do too
noone deserves friends who doesnt bother to understand you
and judges you even after knowing you
that just sucks!
noone deserves such a thing!
this warmth!
i want it to last!
wishes..hopes..n dreams.. =)
please believe me again at 8:39 PM
Y
Monday, February 11, 2008
[my random ramblingsssss]
so the air's finally cleared up!
the one who has a memory of me in that red satin top
told me he's ready for a relationship
and i dunno wadever did i do to make him think i like him as anything more than a fren..
personally i find him gross..
but wadever..
i said i'm not ready for a relationship
be it him or anyone else..
n its over..
he's quit the cold shoulder he gave me
n we're frens again!
i guess people change
situations change too
neeraj has been an awesome fren!
its been great talking to him all these past few mths
n we finally met proper!
i went over to his place
saying to my parents that I had a drama meeting!
drama is the ULTIMATE excuse!
hahaha
anyway..finally the one who makes me go red in the ears started talking
told me abt his ex
and his band..or at least the one he used to be in
he's soo into metal
something which i have to get used to
n PARAMORE!
i love that band really!
think they'll be awesome someday!
someone new likes me n its obvious..
but asking me out after one convo..
thats CRAZY fast!
so im gonna say no..
till i feel its right. =)
and..then today..
chatted with someone new
n he's really good at putting a smile on my face..
noone else seems to be able to lately..
after a day of convo..
asks me out?
its DEAD fast too!
i dunno wad to do now..
lalalala
there's so much angst in me!
i'm soo pissed at my parents for not allowing me to go to that CNY party
with nat and her two younger twin sisters!
i really feel like i have a social life which i'm not enitled to just because of my parents.
i have done everything they wanted..
wad more now?! it just really really angers me!
and to top it all off..
i miss nat loads n i miss her sisters too!
i miss marie
i miss asal
i miss fifa
i miss amrit even though i met her last week!
n i miss priya!!!
ah damn! someone should just rip my heart out!
i dunno why..
but these past few days..
there's soo much anger in me!
i could just explode!
but i end up tearing up instead.
i guess its back again to those times where anger turns to tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
okay..now i feel like writing a story. (BE WARNED! it might be harmful to the eyes!)
so there was once this pauper and this princess..
they met randomly in the hi tech of times on the internet
chatted they did but only once for an entire day
the pauper knows that he is not all that princess might be looking for
and the princess knowing that though however penniless the pauper is..
the pauper still brings a smile upon her face
now the pauper asked her out to hang out
n the princess is afraid
afraid that the pauper might see how happy he makes the lil princess
and the pauper might not be here to stay
however afraid she was..
she accepts the proposal to go out
but her parents..
the royal pain in the butt
king n queen might not let her go
unless she lies...
the prince..her bro doesnt make things easier on her either
telling her parents that she would be back in the palace only after dark
something which isnt true..
oh wadever is this princess to do?
the pauper has said to her not to reveal her cellphone number to him
unless the princess is able to meet him
she wants oh-so-badly to see the pauper in all his ragged glory
but will it happen??..
would she lie??..
if the princess does..wadever will she say??
if she makes it out of the palace
will her fear bring her down??
so many what ifs and if onlys are running thru the princess's mind..
and the story will not have a end to it just yet..
will this story be an epic tale of love and tradegy?
guess we'll all have to stick around to find out! =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and now boredom kicks in again!
guess i'll always be a lil kid
always not knowing what to do
but i'll somehow figure it out one way or another
i'll make mistakes n learn from it n i'll move on
but why does the first stay in my mind?
who is he afterall
if not but just a memory?
sometimes im just a mess i swear!
will someone come my way
and be able to withstand all that i throw at him
for all the pain and hurt and angst i have in me?
will they be able to turn it into something less sinister
and make me whole again.
i can just about dream about it! =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"i'll take that broken heart of urs
thats filled with so much pain and guilt and hurt and angst
everything..just give it all to me
and i'll give u a heart thats filled with love and nothing else
and our hearts could beat as one
all i ask is for you to take it
and i expect nth in return"
sweet words that are just empty
is just as bad as hMm..idk..lol!
my head is just blank right now!
and i wanna sleep!
more random ramblings some other day maybe aye.. =)
please believe me again at 8:40 PM