Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Saturday, February 23, 2008

Making a fool of ourselves.
and then embarassing ourselves.

arent we all afraid of that?

well there are some people who arent afraid.
they are themselves
and they dont let what others say affect them in anyway.

if others laugh at them.
they are glad that people find them amusing.
and best of all, they are able to laugh at themselves.

I think having that kind of fearlessness and confidence is great.

I mean so what if you are fat cause you just love food and hate to exercise?
So what if you can't sing?
So what if you can't dance?

If it makes you happy singing at the top of your lungs
off pitch and outta tune.its cool as long you can laugh at yourself
and you dont get hurt when others laugh at you.
If it makes you happy dancing
even when you cant dance..it's cool as long as it makes you smile
and people around you smile.

afterall..you have one life. live it.
go after what you want
its worth it.
make people around you happy.
its worth it.
but most importantly..be happy with yourself.
afterall..if you dont accept who you are
then who else would?

anyway,
am meeting jason tmr
and i really cant wait
its fun hanging out with him
and he makes me smile =D
sad thing is when he isnt there i miss him
oh well!
hope he likes the surprise b'day gift i'm gonna give him tmr.
i pray i can get it out of the hse without suspicion

living the life i am living isnt great.
lies, cover-up stories, silent tears, the anger, frustration, guilt
gosh! OC dramatics it is!
why cant they just understand?
i want to tell the truth.
i really do.
but everytime i do.
i get hurt.

i realise that dad..
you dont trust me.
and mum..
you arent there for me like you used to.
and you're the only person who understands.
but that is if you know me.
you dont anymore.
and it kills me.

then i have to work my way up again.
gaining everything i've lost in that battle of 4 days or so.

and why cant my brother be more sensitive towards me?
he invades my privacy wanting to know more about my life.
if i tell, i might as well be dead!

i cant handle this.
i cant.
not on my own anyway.
oh well..someday they will know just how much i cant take this.
i really dont know when i will snap.
i just pray it wont be too soon.

my vulnerability is back.
and i hate it.
friends keep me sane and grounded.
i need you guys more than ever now.
loves! =)

please believe me again at 11:31 PM