Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I always thought of this blog as a keepsake of memories..
I dont want to lose the memoirs of good times i've had..
actually both the good and the bad..heh!
but now I think it is time for this to become a place where i'll hear myself

Insomnia.

Insomnia:inability to fall asleep or to remain asleep long enough to feel rested, especially as a problem continuing over time .

I guess i'm addicted to it..
I shut my eyes and wake up feeling like I only shut my eyes a min ago..
Yet I dont feel a strand of exhausion..
Like a zombie yet warm..
thats the feeling of unrest i got after having rest

Contradictory.
one might say..
and true enough it is.

I just had what I felt was the longest 45 min bus ride home from sch..
and all that I thought about went of to repeatmode..

lalalala... =D

Scratch this..
Scratch that..
Hell..jus scratch all of it..
like the pages of a book torn from its bindings..
forget it all..
throw it all away..
AND
remember nothing..

hearing silence
but its not deafening
cuz your heart,mind and soul is speaking to you

you're all alone..
no one you know is around you..
you're set apart from the rest in you mind..

yet you feel contented..
listening to that voice..
its yours..
and it talking to you drowning out that lonliness you feel inside..
yes..its drowning out that same lonliness you feel
when you are surrounded with people
who wear those masks to hide their true selves..
was is it that they are hiding when a smile curves their lips?
or when their lips curve down to a frown?
or when their eyes are blank with millions of things running through their mind?
they dont want to share..
they become selfish..
lost in themselves..
they have forgotten how they once were..
why should i care?
why should anyone care?
leave it..
dont bother..
its not worth it..
you deserve to feel way better than jus that..
yes..you do..

Sometimes I think..

if i threw away my phone, my computer, my laptop, my television..

stripped off of all means of communication..

would I be able to acheive that tranquility which I seek..

The answer: NO.

your free-flowing thoughts,emotions and everything..
its alwaes there..nvr leaving you..
to a point where it sometimes overwhlems you..
to a state of exhaustion
and all you want to do is look at the clouds in the sky pass or..
maybe feel the chill of the wind
while raindrops tease you hair and trickle down your face
or maybe feel the searing heat of the sun
as you walk along the seaside cooling your feet..
sinking it deeper in the muddling waters..

you jus want to feel the peace and quiet of life
the tranquility of life that is now easily lost
but difficult to be found..

but what if you had that one friend who made you feel at peace with yourself..
well..once you've felt that..
that feeling becomes an addiction..
one you cannot get an overload of.
honestly. AMAZING. BLIZZZ! ha!

i need to make choices and decisions now..
honestly its easy to walk away from something
rather than fixing something thats already broken..
yet..here i stand not knowing what to do..
cuz its easier said than done to follow your heart..

Ethics..we all have them..
it questions our morality
no one helps tell you where to draw the line
of what is right or wrong..

cuz when it comes to ethics..
sometimes a personal conflict arises
within oneself
when one is told to do something
and their heart says its wrong..

what is right and what is wrong?
who's to say who's to draw the line?
its everchanging in the world we live in today..

but you..
YOU are the only on who ever draws the line..
the rest is up to other's perception..aint it..
dont judge and their boundaries drawn would seem right to you too..
JUDGE and you might just discover a part of yourself
a part you wished not to see.....
then again if your judgement is good..
trust it..
it cant be all that bad..

and thats the end of that.

maybe at least for now..I might have a good night's sleep! weeee!

=D

please believe me again at 6:52 PM