Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Wednesday, October 17, 2007

So I havnt been blogging in awhile..
Its cuz i jus get too worn out
by thinking too much these past few days..
I dont mean to..
*sighs*

I took a nice long walk back home today
while clearing up my thoughts
I have come to realise
noone is ever really truly the way they are on the outside..
They play a character that is not truly themselves..
they hide their real selves
just so that noone would see the ugly side of them
but when it finally gets revealed..
who's to blame when people start disliking you
word spreads and knowing what you are like now,
would people really see you the same way as before??
here's the answer: NO!
but here's my answer: I'll still try..
you are noone to me..
I do not bother about you
but what you do say to my frens..
that i really care about..

ok..let's forget that..
all of you tease me..
I would say its really not much..
you tease me about things
which are personal to me infront of guys
just where are your brains?
you think i like it?
I dont!
And I certainly do not appreciate the fact
that you told the person i care most about..
about this incident..
how embarassing would it have been for me?..
have you ever thought about that?..
I'm fine with certain people(my frens) teasing me..
But I DO NOT KNOW YOU!
what right have you got to talk to me like that?
and on top of that talk about such things
infront of people I BARELY KNOW?

you make me sick!

ok..now about other things..
things between me and him
are like so wadever..
I hate it!!
I miss him..but i cant let him know it
I like him..but i cant let him know that either
oh wad a curse this is..

Mahesh asked me to go out with him
but I jus couldnt
The more I thought about it the more restless i got..
I dunno why..

I dunno why I suddenly would zone out in class
I dunno why I would suddenly cry when I'm alone
I dunno why I suddenly would be firm or snap at people..

I dont mean any of it..
It just happens..
I dont feel right..
Its happening all over again
as I get reminded of everything
I can never let go of my past as it is what has made me who i am today..
my past makes me realise my mistakes
I dont wanna do the same mistakes again

but i do..
I dont mean to..
but circumstances and emptiness leads to such..

"OoH sexy mama...."
you once said you were singing it to me..
I got reminded of someone else..
I'm over you..
But now as I think about it..
Am I really over you?
I keep thinking about you
and I wish..
I wish soo hard that I would forget everything that you did..
everything that you said..

"Cause you're so damn easy"
Am I??
I dont think I am..
but why do some people think I am?
I hate it when guys look at me that way..
just despise it!
argh!

But it happens to me all the time..
I'm so used to it now..
I barely bother about it these days..

now lets talk about looks..
beauty is transient.
so why is it then when I dont make myself look nice with make-up..
people look at me differently..
and when I look good with make-up i get people wanting to get to know me?
can't they just like me for who I am..
with or without make-up??

lastly i scratch..
i shouldnt but i do..
haizz..

i'm sorry..
i'm flawed in many ways..
but i am me..
and that's something noone else can be. =)

Should I just forget about everything?
Am slowly losing hope..
Its ok..
be strong sari
going with the flow is the hardest to do
when i like you so much..
its ok..I noe i will get thru this.. =)

please believe me again at 10:21 PM