Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Saturday, September 22, 2007

Life never turns out the way you want it to.
Sometimes, you just want it to go right for once
but it never does.
But sometimes, life surprises you.
It takes a different route
and the changes might seem weird at first,
but it's actually turning out for the better.
I wish life surprises me more.
i'm tired of knowing what's around every corner
It wouldn't hurt having surprises more often right? =)

It's funny how things that looks so perfect and whole on the outside
are not what they look like on the inside.
Like, you'd tell people how perfect your family is
when it's actually all screwed up on the inside.
Or people think that your family is all happy and perfect..
when it so isnt true..

A family where loving you means getting good grades and obeying blindly.
Never argue even when you're right cos you're never right.
You're always wrong.
A family where following your dream is a big no-no
cos it will lead you nowhere.
You're biggest dream would beyour biggest downfall.
A family where snide remarks and bribery
replaces encouragement and rightful rewards.
And at times, you are given rewards for no apparent reason..
making you feel guilty for not being able to give them what they want
And you can never seem to do enough to impress them.
And when they care, you feel suffocated.
I wonder how you survive living in these kinds of families.
It's like a "stepford" family..
It's like MY family.

Many ask how can I survive.
Well I can..
For me, I guess it's not so hard since I have lived this way since ever!
It gets difficult at times..
but I try to get through it..
with my own reasonable boundaries and lies here and there
Fear, that never goes away
Guilt, that will forever stay
Its ok, I keep telling myself..
that its fair.
Its a lie to myself.

Drama rehearsals are getting more and more draining!!
No matter, all I have to do is think of him and I get all so happy!!
I think I shall pass him my complimentary ticket..
He is the reason..for everything!!
My smiles, my shyness, my blushes, my old self!!
It seems too good to be true
Its hard to believe
And I dont really know if he really likes me or not..
He is like gold..Its true..to geetha and even me..
I would nvr hurt him knowingly
I need to know..
More than anything if he likes me
and what he wants out of this..

Ok..enough sidetracking..
Back to rehearsals!
they are gonna end at 11pm!!
just thinking about it makes me tired..
But NO! I won't be..if he's there especially..
If I pass him my complimentary ticket..
I really hope he can make it..
Speaking of tickets
I need to find out if I can go Aarathana with him! =D
Guess I'll go ask now!
Oh..and the VMAs are on now!!
Heard from Shaminah its the best VMAs so far!
Gonna go check it out!! =))

please believe me again at 7:49 PM