Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Thursday, August 02, 2007

Ok..firstly..ystdae was awesome
going to Seoul Garden with my classmates was soo fun!!
will probably upload the pics later.

Jump on Tuesdae was fun!!
really..Just that I wasnt all that up to it with all the tears
and all the smiles and laughter which hid my sorrows..
Wif all the running away I did..
But i still had fun!!
Pics will be uploaded soon too!

So..for Todae..
I was sad..
I actually am sad.
But today was actually alrite.

It hurt whenever I thought about him being with her.
Doing the things he used to do with me.
I still remember the memories.
The words said.
Everything. Vivid. Alive.
They swallow me whole.

I try to forget.
Yell. Vent. Be playful.
It still hurts.
I wanna cry.
I really do.
AND now..everyone noes the reason why I am like this.
All thanks to you.
Its ok. Its alrite.

Oh..our class took class pics todae..fun FUN!!
will upload them once i get my hands on them..hehe..

To forget everything..
I spent my time with jess, jesterr, isk, yan, shana, and him for awhile..
He left quite fast..
I know the reason why.
It kills.
But now I can breathe.
Though it hurts to do even that now.

I took isk's cap..
And oh my..his cap..his PRECIOUS cap!!
me, shi hui and isk took the same bus home.
BUT isk didnt get down at his stop..
reason: "my cappp".."my cappp"..LOL

me and shi hui got down at the same stop.
isk followed.
shi hui left once her bus came.
i was thinking if this was for real.
isk here??
its soo unreal.
but it is real.
i didnt know what to do
and i finally gave him back his cap..LOL
then he said he was bored.
wanted to escort me back home.
i gave in. Finally.
I just hope he can make it home without getting lost now.
goOdnesS..i still cant believe it.
SURREAL.

Its weird.
I have never let anyone do this.
Made this an exception.
It made me happy though.
isk being there.
somehow i didnt feel as alone as i alwaes have.

When darkness is all i see
even when daylight falls upon it
I cry.
I hope.
I drown my sorrow into it all
I wake up
and sink again
That feeling.
Death.

I looked into my very very old posts
from last year and I realised how much I've grown and changed
Yet, making the same mistakes.
Learning from them differently.
I am glad for that one thing as least.

I read Asal's 2nd latest entry today.
She said that even though she has so much love around her..
she still feels sad.
I felt exactly the same today.
But it feels better.
Right now. This moment. This second.
Hope it stays for awhile. =))

please believe me again at 9:39 PM