Love, Hate, which to choose?

Y
Saturday, August 04, 2007

I told myself that I'm not going to care
I told myself that I'm not going to be sad
I told myself that I'm not going to cry
I told myself to be strong

but..i couldnt do it.

I still care
I still get sad
I still cry
I still am weak

Why must you be thinking of her all the time now..
Wait..that was stupid..
you should and you do think of her all the time..
i guess it just pricks soo bad..
hurts soo bad..
that i wish it wasnt real..
but it is.

Gosh..I need a distraction..
A big one..
I think I shall put in some effort and get one real soon.
At least then I wouldnt feel like crap.

I couldnt even smile when isk passed me his cap.
I dont think I wanna play with his cap anymore either.
Even if it'll make me smile for awhile.
What I saw when I looked at him..
The cap is really special to him.

Shana's words are true I know.
But still it hurts..
it hurts.
Dunno why I got myself into this mess.
Hope he is happy..really..

He told me he cant stop caring about me
or stop thinking about me
or think that I ceast to exist
BUT..he really doesnt care..
if he did, he would know what he does that makes me want to cry
then he said you wanna come outside and talk for awhile
i said i dunno if i shld
he said i shldnt..seriously..
its true. i shldnt. and i wont.
it cuts a wound soo deep..
i wonder if i can ever let go.

Maybe if i feel this pain long enough
I can i guess.
I hope to.

Aniwae..it was nice when isk asked me if i was sad cuz of him and her..
but i cldnt answer..
was just too upset
isk was sleeping in the bus and i let it out
i cried.
then i slept as well.
saw the pasar malam.
isk said he was going.
asked if i wanted to go.
i went to forget everything.
it helped.

he was cute.
bought ramly burger n wadeh..
i dunno why but when they spelt vadai like wadeh..
i felt like laughing..LOL..
dunno how to spell also..hahaxz..
he asked me if i wanted the burger..
i had no money so i said i'll get it some other time.
he offered to get it for me first.
i refused.
he told me not to regret.
i said i wldnt.
hahaxz..but i think i do.
i went home thinking about the burger man.
will get it very very soon! hMph!

then went home.
he waited till my bus came..
we talked about games.
it got me hyped up..feeling better.
but at the same time..
it got me reminded of all the times my guy frens used to wait for me till my bus came.
sweethearts. they all are.

then saw bavani in the bus.
made me smile.
i guess maybe if you only think about all the good things in life..
it isnt so bad afterall..=))

BUT then again..ALL good things do come to an end.

please believe me again at 10:11 AM