Contradictions..Lies

2009-03-25T17:16:00.004+08:00

These are just some voiceovers in OTH that made me think..

"You can choose to blame your circumstances

on fate or bad luck or bad choices.

Or you can fight back."

"Things aren’t always going to be fair in the real world.

That’s just the way it is.

But for the most part, you get what you give.

Rest of your life is being shaped right now.

With the dreams you chase….The choices you make….

and the person you decide to be.

The rest of your life is a long time.

And the rest of your life starts right now."

And its true..when you dont get what you want..

you only have yourself to blame..

the choices you make..

make you who you are..

Others may judge you based on those choices youve made..

and think they know you..

but do they truly..

i think not..

and one shouldnt give in based on what others think

just based on what you think is right or wrong..

The rest of your life is a long time..

and you can live it with regrets cuz of the choices you made..

or you could make the right choice

the right choice may not be the simplest

or easiest to do in the world..

most of the time its the hardest..

and sometimes when youre just lost in the darkness..

all one needs to do is just to look into you heart

for the answers..

The rest of your life is shaped right now..

each and everyday..

as you make decisions and choices..

they make you who you are today..

and who you may be in the future..

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore.

Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies?

Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, gray?

Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth

to transform it because we are faced with things

that are not of our own making.

And sometimes, things simply catch up with us."

That is what happened with me..

and my relationship with Jason..

Good and bad..Truth and lies..

who's to say which or what is right or wrong..

when everyone has opinions..

different ideas and different ideals..

You see love is something that just happens..

one can fall in love and one can fall out of love..

and love..its jus part of a relationship..

there's so much more to a relationship..

trust, understanding, respect are just some aspects of it...

Love is not of our own making..it jus happens..

the rest of it..are things that are built upon it..

So i chose not to say a word to my parents..

lied to them..and decided to tell them about us

only when the time was right..

which only was too far away..

And it caught up with us..

and so did its consequences..

"Much as some of us fight it,

our parents have a mystical hold over us,

the power to affect our thoughts and emotions the way only they can.

It's a bond that changes over time, but doesn't diminish,

even if they're half a world away, or in another world entirely.

It's a power we never fully understand.

We're left only to wonder that when our time comes,

what kind of hold will we have on our children?"

When i was about 8 or 9..

i used to wonder what kind of parent i may be someday..

and everytime i felt sad or angry or frustrated

cuz of what my parents said or did..

i would write a lil note on a small piece of paper and put it in a lil box..

to god: i would nvr be like my mother to my children..

just lil notes like that..

and as i grew older, i stopped doing that..

I always wondered why..

though deep down i knew the answer..

i may be like my parents when i am one someday..

that day is a long way ahead..

and all i can hope is that

whatever hold i may have on my children then..

would be good for them..

and it would help them learn to be better people..

ECHOES, SILENCE, PATIENCE AND GRACE

Peyton: "Name a wish, place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want.

Lucas: "Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true.

You never know where the next miracle can come from, the next smile, the next wish com true."

Peyton: "But if you believe that its right around the corner.

And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the serenity of it."

Brooke: "You just may get the thing your are wishing for."

Nathan: "The world is full of magic you just have to believe it.

So make your wish. Do you have it?"

Haley: "Good. Now believe in it with all your heart."

My wish?

i have it..

And its just for my parents to accept Jason

and to support me in whatever i do..

believe in me..

and have trust in me..

have faith in me..

that no matter what i do..

and no matter how many times i fall..

i will be fine..

and be better than before..

just as long as the ones i love..

stand by me

and with me..

That's my anything and everything..

living life the way i want..

with all the love in the world..

from the people who matter..

Some have that..some dont..

But thats all i want..

And im gonna believe in it with ALL my heart..

Thing is, if YOU dont believe in it..

it wont happen..

So take away the won't, the can't, the isn't

and Believe..=)

You may hear echoes and silence from the past..

from the way things used to be..

the way you were..

or might have been..

Now here's to the person youre becoming..

or youve become..

Patience..

and grace..

Is what you'll need.

Patience to let time make things better

perhaps to help give clarity to some..

and the Grace to find the Strength

and the strength to face it all

to deal with the worse

and to make the best of it..

things will get better and i will be fine..=)

2009-03-01T15:18:00.003+08:00

i wanna lie here..
curl up in bed..
and never wake up..

my mum threw away the pancakes im guessing..
she made it without asking me..
jus cuz she knew i liked them..
but i didnt eat them when i got back home at night..
and now its gone and i feel really bad..
*sighs*
but why do smth for me without knowing if i want it or need it even or not?
i dont want your time, effort and money to go to waste..

oh well..
jus wish she didnt try so hard..
cuz i noe if i wanted it badly enough..
i would just go make some..

its happened so many times already..
and i wish she would stop being so sweet..
and trying to take care of me..
but she cant stop doing that cuz she's my mother..

P.s i wanna be in love with my best friend

2009-02-01T00:20:00.007+08:00

well..its been ages since i blogged..
but honestly these days ive got nth much to blog about
i'm busy with school,baby and frens and family..
fyp has started..
proj is kinda interesting though complicated in its own way..
just hope i'll be able to pull through it

these past few days have been a hell of a roller coaster ride..
and there's been lots of highs and lows..
but through it all i learnt one thing..
you cant keep lying to yourself or fighting within yourself..
when the problem can be helped if youre honest abt it
and share it with the person you trust the most
and for me, thats my baby..

he's there for me
and he's always the one to ask for forgiveness even when its my fault..
he doesnt let me take the blame for things
and honestly sometimes i wish he did..
cuz even when we as humans make mistakes..
the mistakes eventually make us..
cuz we learn from them..
but thats just him..
he's the one who is patient
he's the one who has taught me so much..
and there's so much more abt him i cld say..
he's the sweetest and most wonderful
and i love him with all my heart and soul..

spending the last day of the 2008 with him was great..
and he always supports me in all that i do..
and i do the same for him..

he avoids doing the things i dislike..
but then again..i wish not to change him..
cuz i do love him for ALL that he is..
even if he is hot tempered..
even if he makes me cry..

cuz hey..as much as he hurts me at times..
he makes me the happiest too..
he's the BESTEST!
my One and Only!
and i love him! =D

ohh! watched vaaranam aayiram today..
its a nice movie..
i just kept thinking bout my baby Jason as always..hehe

next movie: Bride wars!!
bimbotic perhaps?..
dumb maybe?..
but a chick flick definitely!
and i love them! =D

2008-11-09T04:36:00.004+08:00

Yes,...

Good times roll by..
Then they all disappear in the blink of an eye..

But why?...

Times change..
Situations change..
People change..

But if thats not the reason..
its cuz the time to be with that special someone has passed..
and its time to leave and head back home..
with the hope and faith that it is all built to last..

2008-10-29T00:53:00.003+08:00

with jus a slip on words..
everything crumbles down..

i know i havnt done everything right..
and as i cry tonight..
it hurts that i dont even have your arms around me
to console me..
to let me its ok..
and it hurts..
cuz i miss you THAT much..

i love you baby..
always will..

2008-10-19T23:22:00.007+08:00

1. Get my fucking ass to sch every day of this week and be early
2. Ignore my feelings for the next two days
3. Keep busy and stop crying
4. Get that stoopid PP poster done
5. Just breathe

-Excuse the expletives
-I'm jus effing pissed/sad/blah blah blah rt nw..

i dunno anymore..
*Sighs

I want to stop crying..
but i cant..

Oh well..wadever..

I'll be fine..
Just breathe...
breathe..

I just miss you baby..

GoodBye.

2008-10-10T12:16:00.002+08:00

how much is too less?
how much is too much?
how much do i need it?
can i live without it?

hmM..
perhaps its time for an evalution..
time to stand on the ground by myself without the need of another..

oh well..PP sucks!
i still have the poster to do and i've to do it in a week..
discipline has nvr been my friend..but procastination always has been..
time for a change i guess..at least i'll have to try..or else i'll nvr get it done..

nothing much to be said..
except that i miss my sec sch frens..
catching up seems to nvr happen though we want it to..

time nvr stops running..
and sometimes when you dont stop running with it..
you tend to lose yourself..
especially with the people who affect who you are..

i jus want a break from everything..
i jus wanna be alone..i miss that..=)

2008-09-15T10:51:00.013+08:00

Phooo! Phoooo!
*blowing the dust on my blog*
hehe

I know its been awhile since i blogged
but i was either too busy/tired/lazy to blog!

So here's updates =)

August 29th-August 31st 2008

Went to Sanjay's Chalet which was actually at his grandparents' place
And had an AWESOME time and also a really unexpected early birthday surprise!!
Thanks Guys for the time the effort and EVERYTHING!!
Love you ALL!!! =)

The whole clan who were part of this awesome celebration! =)
And my baby! =D

Me, Baby, Reva, San =)

After my Surprise Dance Item performed by: (from left):
Karthik aka Rainyy, Reva, Puva, Sanjay, Gaya and Nee!!
Love YOU guys!! wheee!!

Sabo!! hahaha..and my baby got it too..lol
How kinky..it was whipped creme!
Ps- Look at the evil look on San's face when she's decorating my face..hehehe

Sleeping like a baby..*cough cough* =P

A random candid shot of us! =) from left:
Sanjay(blocked by fan), Shan, Rainy, Malik, Jai,
Gaya, Rio, Me, Baby, Reva and San

All the guys!..they were all emo-ing except Vis(the only smiling one)..haha

All the girls =)

Swimming time!! fun!! =)

Well, other that the fun times..
there were lots of ups and downs during the chalet too..
which was with my baby..And we learnt abt each other more
and it brought us closer than before..
In the end, leaving was such sweet sorrow..
I really didnt wanna head back home even though I had to..

All in all, tears were shed, laughter shared and it was AWESOME =)

1st Sept 2008

Escape with the Gay Bunch!

Took pics in the haunted house
and we played the carnival games
and some of us won!
And rainy gave me the crayon he won cuz the next day was my bday..
Actually it was part of some kinda bet he made with sanjay too..hehe

Just another AWESOME time spent with them! =)

2nd Sept 2008
My 18th bday!

Nothing special..
just celebrated it with my family and my cuzzie shasha's family..
and had a mango ice cream cake for my bday =)

3rd Sept 2008

Meet my Baby as usual..Met Jai to get free escape theme park tix..
And baby and i had a big argument which started out small..
Sighs..

Putting that aside..
it was a great day..had orange julius..my baby gave me bday prezzies..
He bought me loads of things which he really shouldnt have..

But it was all good =)

4th Sept 2008
1st day of Yr 2 Sem 2..

School starts..and my PP was still undone..

5th Sept 2008

Was too tired and didnt go to sch..

6th Sept 2008
Went out with Baby to Escape..

My baby's first time there
and I wanted it to be AWESOME and perfect!
And I wanted Jason sweetie to have lots of FUN!
which we both did! =)

With thrill rides starting out our day
and having a spicy end to it jus made it all the more memorable! =)

Pics are with baby love..=)

Fast forward..9th Sept 2008

PP submitted and had to rework..
Reworked and resubmitted on the same day..

10th Sept 2008
Went MacRitchie Resevoir with Baby love!
And had prata before that..haha..

Saw Monkeys and birds and turtles and fishes and newts..
and bugs..(shudders)

Feed the fishes and turtles and Monkeys too..
And took pics with the Monkeys..hehe

Then spent the evening in each other's arms till nighfall..
Just talking..
Sweetest moment ever! =D

11 Sept 2008
PP accepted! whoohoo!! =)
Went out with Mars after school to watch 4bia!
Awesome movie..haha

Time spent with her was Great! =)

12 Sept 2008
Our 7th monthsary =)

Went to meet Jason Sweetheart at his workplace
and surprised him with Chocs! =)

I LOVEEEE MY BABYYYY! =D

13th Sept 2008

Went to get new clothes for Hari Raya and bought 2 punjabi Suits.. =)

14th Sept 2008

Sent the suits for alteration and collected them =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So all thats happened while i wasnt blogging and more..
But i'm too tired to update now..so till next time..toodles! =)

2008-08-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

i just feel sucky
super sucky..
from the time i woke up..
and nth could make me feel better
and even the end of the day sucks..
and now my hearts feeling heavy..
*sighs*

i guess i wanna be alone rt now..
just be by myself..

ah well..sleep wld make it better..

and there's pp to do as well..
wheee!
oh! boo!
i hate it!

2008-08-19T01:26:00.005+08:00

honestly..
i'm tired..
and i dont care anymore..

*i wish i may..
i wish i might..
wish on a star tonight..*

if only..
i knew..

sometimes..
what is heard and what is spoken...
isnt the same as what is felt..

wad an end to another almost perfect day..

i need you..and i miss you..
*sighs*

*i'll not wonder abt it again..even if i do..
i wont ask..-mental note to self..remember*

2008-08-18T23:42:00.002+08:00

Went out with Mars today..
and it turned out to be an outing with Mars and Cindy today..haha

Met Mars to go to Acer
and though Baby woke me up at 8.30
and i wanted to leave at 9.30 to be on time..
i left wayy later cuz Mars woke up late..
and since i took a bus down..
Mars ended up waiting for me for 2 whole hours!
omg! i felt damn bad the whole day for that..

Anw, at Acer Cindy called..
so we told her to join us..
we made her bring her lappie and a screwdriver
so that we cld fix our lappies..hehe
the stooopid ppl at Acer told both Mars and i
to get an external hardisk casing to retrieve all our data..
so on the hunt we went for it..

Went to IMM..
and then met Cindy
and took a bus down to Funan..
we were talking about everything..
from the BBQ to lots of other stuff..
interesting conversations..
hahaha

Finally got our external hardisk casing..
But..my data could not be retrieved..
Mars bought the external hardisk casing..
and then Cins and i bought Subway and we went to Starbucks..
there Mars and Cins helped to retrieve my data again..
and i have to say this..

MARDIYAHHHH!
CINDYYYY!
I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!
MARDIYAH'S EXTERNAL HARDISK CASING!!!
CINDY'S LAPPIE!!!
THANK YOUUU!
I LOVE YOU TOOO!!!
=D =D =D =D

Sorry for the madness BUT...
I RETRIEVED my PP!
and all my pics!
and some games!
and my sch work!

=D =D =D =D =D

Can a girl get any happier??
hahaha

Oh yes she can!
cuz i got to wash my hand behind the Starbucks counter! =)
the people there are real nice..
and funny..hahaha

Just wish i had seen my Baby today like i wanted to..
Ah well..
Some other time i guess..

Ohh!
I saw a motorcycle accident on my way home..
So people when its raining please drive safely..

LOVE Y'ALL! =)

2008-08-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

Why do our ties get broken as years go along?

-think abt it

2008-08-16T01:04:00.005+08:00

*this is for B.M*
*take this as our 6th mth anniversary entry
since the actual one is now lost in my lappie*
P.S* I LOVE YoU! =)

i read all the letters you have given me tonight
and as i read them all i have to say is this

from the moment we first met
i thought you were the best
you made me laugh from the bottom of my heart
made me forget all my cares and worries

i do not know when we got together
but i dont really care either
lets just take it as the day our eyes first met each other
12/2/08

thats the day i'll never forget
thats the day i started saving up all the smses you sent me
not even letting one get deleted
cuz i wanna hold on to every memory
good or bad it doesnt matter
cuz all i remember is the good

baby love, i dont want this to ever end..
i cant bear to watch if what we build goes down in vain..
i want it to last for a lifetime if not more till eternity
i wanna be yours always and forever
dont want any other

i dont want riches or fame
all i want is you just like you want me all the same
i need you love..
and always remember in good times or in bad..
i'll still be here for you..

my love for you knows no bounds
and to you my heart will be forever bound
how much i love you scares me at times
cuz i nvr thought i'd ever fall this deep

my fears and tears at times get so bold
i stumble in the cold

but through it all

i know you'd never let me fall

and always keep me warm

even if it all goes wrong
with you by my side
i know we'll pull through it
with our hearts singing a song

from your laughter, to your jokes
to the way you sleep, to your hugs
i miss you my darling..
soo damn much..

if i could repeat wednesday night again..
i would do it a million times over..
jus for the sweet memories..
and to be able to fall asleep by your side again..

~i love you!~

goodnight world =)

i have the best bf ever..
and he's not only my bf..
but my best friend =D

2008-08-15T11:22:00.012+08:00

*srry abt this not so brief but still kinda brief entry
abt wad happened over the week so far..
but im tired and hungry and wanna go sleep summore
and chomp chomp on smth soon..hehehe*

Well..
here's tuesday..

it marked our 6mth anniversary together
6 mths of being with jason has taught me alot
and i wouldnt give wad we have for the world..
we have had our ups and downs
but no matter what i still love him with all my heart and soul

came late to class as usual..
bought macs breakfast for Mars and me
then slacked..
did work..
talked crap..
had fun..
and then it was time to meet cindy!
and oh..Mars lappie crashed..
(more abt that later)

So anyway, we met cindy..
She was late as usual!
hahaha
Mars came up with a suggestion to surprise Cindy
with tickets to the Dark Knight
instead of us spending cash on the Love Guru
which was a movie we didnt really wanna watch..
Both Mars and I already watched the movie..
But we felt it was soo damn good..
that we rather watch it again..

the movie was awesome!!!
the first time i watched it was with MY baby!
the joker was the BEST character!
he was sick, twisted..
and DAMN..
jus mindblowing!!

Anw, that day was AWESOME!

Wednesday!
Met my classmates
Fish(Jing Yee) and Daniel
and went to east coast!
Damn was it funnnn!!!!
And the food was good too!!
I really had a great time!

What was better was that our faci came by
with chocolate fondue!! =)
But what was the BEST was My baby love came down
and surprised me with a SUNFLOWER!
=)))

And then by nightfall..
ppl started to get high and drunk
and we played "I have never.."
and we leart alot about each other..
Gosh! it was funny the way some of my classmates
behaved when they were drunk..
and when i got high..
i think i talk too much..
or not at all..
and i dont make sense..hahaha

Anw, the pics still turned out well..hehe
My classmates and Jason sweetheart
warmed up real quick..
and anyway, it wasnt much of a surprise
since they have seen him quite a number of times
when he came to my class at sch..
But this was the first time we all joked together
and laughed together..
it really brought all of us closer..

Some had regrets abt what happened that night..
Be it them showing their true selves to others..
or sharing secrets that they didnt wanna tell..
But all i have to say is..
that its all ok..
cuz all that matters in the end
is that we all have learnt from our mistakes and moved on..

Spent the night taking a nap with my baby at the beach..
and with the frequent walks to the toilet
that was soo damn far away
and with the continued BBQ session
in the middle of the night at arnd 4 or 5 plus..
where my baby was helping to cook the food..
and napping again..

it was an eventful outing/bbq/get together..
whatever you wanna call it..
I jus had a GREAT TIME!
and to be honest..
I think this is BY FAR
the BEST outing I have had with a class before!

Went back the next day day..
tired and sleepy to Jason sweetie's place
i napped for awhile there..
met his mum for the 2nd time..
she reminds me of one of my friend's mum..
but a much nicer version..
anw, his mum is really sweet..
jason was still sleeping and she asked me to eat something
and even put aside some cash when i refused
in the end i had some fried fish soup which his mum bought

And ohhh!
i have to say jason's UBER cute when sleeping
when i tried waking him up..
he was soo sleepy..
that he muttered "huh? mummy?" with half opened eyes..
soo adorableeeee!! hahaha
then i tried waking him up again numerous other times
cuz i had to leave soon..
even though i didnt want to..
but he jus didnt wake up..
when i finally did manage to do that..
he was still soo sleepy and tired
that he nearly went back to sleep again..
lucky thing i said it was already 4 pm..
or else i'll bet he'll still continue sleeping..
and i'll be looking at my baby sleeping
and smiling away..
hMm..actually i think i did that..
hahaha.

Anw, my baby gave me a letter
and a 6th mthsary prezzie..
it was funny! and cute!
hahahaha.

i'll post a pic up soon so that you can see what it is =)

So here's the bad part to my almost perfect week..
MY lappie crashed!!!
jus like Mars one did on the last day of sch!
The stuuupiddd lappie cannot detect windows!
Fucking hell!

Am pissed off!
At the comp..
and AT myself
for not listening to Mars!
she told me to save my project at my email at least
so if the same thing happens to mine..
it wouldnt be so bad..

Whats worse is that..
I have sooo many pics in there of my friends
and my babyyyy!
and all my songs..and movies..

And another sad part is that
I did a 6th month anniversary post for Jason
but i did it on my microsoft word in my lappie
and now its all gone..
*sighs*

but even that aint so bad..

BUT BUT BUT..
MY PP PROJECT IS IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ALREADY DID LIKE soo mannnyyy pages of it and
MY reference copy is in it too
and so is all of my research!
And THE EFFING deadline is SEPT 9!
I REALLY hope that i wldnt have to be doing it on my bday too!
NOW i seriously would have to be up all day and night doing it..
Life jus sucks at times doesnt it?

Oh well..i've heard that for every 1 moment of happiness..
there's bound to be 10 moments of sadness..

but that shouldnt stop you from being happy..
=D

*to Jason,
Babyy!
thanks for everything..
I love you!!
you make me happyyy!!
and go weeeeeeee!
hehehe*

2008-08-11T12:25:00.001+08:00

Take your time - I can wait
for all the love I know will be mine
if you take your time
Take your time - though it's late
heart strings will sing like a string of twine
if you take your time
Take your time and take mine too
I have time to spend
take your time - go with me through
times 'til all time's end

2008-08-10T23:28:00.002+08:00

i cant sleep.
i dont feel too good.
i'm shaking.
i didnt eat.
and all i wanna do now is bury myself with work.
or smth.
im restless.
i jus wanna breathe.
and feel ok.

come on..
feel better
feel better
feel better

its no use.
i'll jus have to forget feelings for nw.
but it only does happen
after ive had a long sleep without anyone waking me up..
screw it.
i'll jus live with it for nw.

tmr is a better day =)
i will jus have to get over 6-7 fucking hours
can do. can do. can do.

write asal's bday card nw.
then do abit of pp.
watch smth.
anything.
maybe OTH.
or GG.

yes, thats it. weeeee! *winks*

life's what you make of it.
even if you're down.
dont be. =)

2008-08-10T20:43:00.001+08:00

i dont need this nw but oh well..

my tummy's growling..i wonder why..
oh shit! i jus rmbered i havnt eaten the whole entire day..
HAHAHAHA...
oh well..it doesnt make much of a diff..
i dont feel like eating anyway..

i cant wait for tmr..
gonna buy stuff for bbq with some of my classmates..
and we're all gonna get cheesecake
from andy sim..our material science faci..
weeeee!
exciting! =)

2008-08-10T01:50:00.003+08:00

maybe its kinda both..
i shld feel guilt, hurt..i guess
maybe the want to wanna make things better
shld become stronger

but anyway..
i dont feel anything much..
i dunno why i feel so numb..
and i am not even getting myself to feel that way
*sighs*

maybe its a good thing to not feel for awhile..

like some one once said..
well more like typed..
every weekend is like a dead end..
and you know what..
just for once..
he could be right..

take it all as your fault..
you had your advice..
you KNEW better..
yet you did not consult..
nor did you heed your guts..
yet another price i'll pay..

Still at square 1 now..
and i cldnt care less..
cuz my mind's a mess..

and i do hate the unneccesary promises made..

i wish i was at sch rt nw..
rewind time..
and freeze..
laughter..fun..jokes..
pause..
and play it in repeat..

2008-08-07T00:44:00.003+08:00

it sucks..
it sucks..
it jus plain sucks..

i miss feefa!
i need a dose of her real bad!
she listens and she's there
and she knows me well enough to tell me what i am like
and what to do and what to say
and even what i'm feeling right then
and helps make me feel better everytime =)

i need her! i soo need her!
but she's busy most of the time..
*sighs*

Friday!! come soon please!

Have got AN-TINA's lesson later on
and I so have no mood..
Just hope that she will treat us to something

And im broke broke broke..
Need to save up for tons of things!!
Have to go on a diet too..
Revise a new plan to save up cash..
Or i really shld kick up my plan up a notch!
either way it works =)

I have known this for a very long time..
but still..

*mental note 1*
dont be too much of a perfectionist
nothing can always be perfect all the time..
(even if its just in your eyes)

*mental note 2*
Dont get irritated and annoyed easily..
Endure more, Have more patience..

*mental note 3*
Express yourself more freely and better..
Dont keep it all in..
P.S-BE MORE SENSITIVE and NICER..

*mental note 4*
Sugar coat more =)
Be less sarcastic

*mental note 5*
When under stress keep your cool
and be less cranky..

Gosh! there's so much more..
argh! darn! forget it..
Basically i'm still back to square 1!

How lovely! =D

i better kick myself into bed..
and get someone to wake me up in the mornings..

Ahh! screw it! the wake up call system is easier said than done..
Motivation-Classmates & grades

*random thought*
I really shld pamper myself more..
havnt done that in a long long time.. =)
but then again..
my idea of pampering gets me even more broke..
so wad's the point?..
*sigh! sigh! double sigh!*

Now only one question remains..
Should i do that which i do not want to do?
But it means alot to him so i guess i should..
So i will..

Its easier said than done..
but i've been through worse..
If i have handled an entire night and half a day of weirdness..
I'm sure i can handle a few hours of it..

Still easier said than done..
Oh well..

It'll all get better in time *winks*

2008-08-04T01:07:00.002+08:00

I have soo much to say
but things i cant say here..
well hasnt it always been that way?
especially after you came into my life..
i guess not only this but alot has changed..
i'm not saying its a bad thing..
but its getting to me now..
i jus wish at times things were different..
or maybe back to the way they once were..
you could say i could always go back..
but i know that its too late for either of us to go back..
ive got to just stick it through till the end..
i jus hope i'll be happy and stay happy til then..

2008-07-26T22:05:00.003+08:00

Asal said my blog's been hibernating for more than a mth nw..
So i guess its time to update it..
Just been so busy..
And right now..i'm feeling sickyyy..
sore throat and all..
BLEAGH!

Anw, the IGNITE Music Fest was actually kinda awesome!
Just too bad I cldnt stay on and go for the 2nd day..
But still it was fun funnn!! with feefa..

Other than that..
PP suckssss....stressss..
arGh!
I really really have to continue doing it..
I'm running out of time and the deadline is drawing near..
I only have about a mth to do it up

My Baby's had a surgery for his nasal congestion recently
and i just wish it really wld help his fatigue to go away..
Far Far away to the land of no return! hMph!

Stupid stupid fatigue always gets my baby down at times..
i hate it when that happens..
But still, one thing is for sure..
i'll still be there for him no matter what..
through the ups and downs.. =)

And then there are Some things I wish I could say..
but I cant..
till another day.. =)

Thats when I realise who knows me..
And who dont..
And who never will..

And i'm learning to have control now..
Just hope I dont lose it.. =D

2008-06-16T00:24:00.006+08:00

So my blog has been hibernating for nearly a month..
had drama camp..
and it was just like how any other camp would be..
it had its ups and downs..
but on the whole..it was fun..
especially with niza and feefa loves..
and ohh! i miss asal and natasha..
*sighs*

and had a class outing just after camp ended..
but only 8 people turned up..
still..it was fun..=)
pics wld be up some other time..

went out with my love last wednesday..
and people..kungfu panda is awesome!
it really exceeded my expectations..
cute and funny movie..
and it has soo many coincidences or rather similarities
with my sweetie and me..
hehe

and its monday 12.24 am
and i'm officially bored out of my mind
and eating a dragonfruit (its purpleee! its fun! hehe)
and watching mtv..
ah well..

sch starts tmr and i'm kinda happy about that..
so at least i'll start doing all the work i need to
instead of slacking off again..

oOh! i dyed my hair..i think it turned out ok..

i have lots of stuff on my mind..
but i cant find the right words to put it all together..
cuz i just dunno..
i dunno anymore..
and i want it to stay that way..

and i'll live by this:
its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all..

but i aint saying that in respect to me or anything..
just in general..
i just think its really true..
would you rather have never have loved?
think about it..
you may not have lost anything if it didnt work out..
and you'll probably save your tears and a heartbreak..
but you'll miss the feeling of how love feels like..
its always fresh and its always new..
whether you love once or twice..
it will always feel that way..
and that feeling love gives you..
its PRICELESS..

And here's another thing..
being in a relationship..
be it with your parents or your siblings..
or your significant other.
there'll always be the adundance of love there..
and there'll always be tears and heartbreaks from time to time..
so it is really worth it to decide not to love at all?..
i think not..

and Love...
thats something you cant decide whether you wanna do or not..
cuz it just happens..
and noone can stop that..

I love YOU! =)
(and noone's gonna take that away from me)

2008-05-24T22:41:00.004+08:00

24th mayyy!!!

TODAY IS LOVEEEE!!!!

i jus SIMPLY LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT TODAY!!

met sweetheart and went to bugis
to find a prezzie for a friend..
but cldnt get one..
nvm..i'll try getting one tmr! =)
took stoopid looking pics which were FUNNY!!
hahaha.

then..we went to meet my baby's friends..
valentine's letter and the crew and some of their friends..
i never do too well in big groups..
SHYyy! SHYyy!
wad to do? hehehe
but it still turned out to be awesome!
cuz i somehow warmed up to them by the end of the night..
YAYNESS! =)

oh..wait..lost my train of thought..hehe

oh..yeah..yeah..
the day was awesomeee!!
CUZ...VL totally rawked at tonight's performance!
woohoo!!!
AWESOMEEEE!! AWEESOMMMEEE!!! =D
actually having watched Armchair Critic play too
(which was another gig jason brought me to)
I would say that Valentines Letter is 100 times better than Armchair Critic..
well thats just my personal opinion...so dont sue me for it..hehe

and..a song was dedicated to my sweetheart and me
which was really soo darnn sweet!!
THANK YOU RAMON!
THANK YOU VL!
so damn touched lah!!
and was surprised too!
hahaha

And tonight..
though it was one of the best day/night of my life..
i somehow felt so darn sad when i had to head home..
cuz i really rEaLLY REALLy REALLY missed my baby like HELL
i SOO didnt want to leave him and head home..
honestly..it felt like as though a part of me was getting ripped apart..
i feel soo empty without him..

dont noe if its my hormones playing around with me or something..
(which i highly doubt)
but i cried just nw on my way home
and i'm tearing just typing this
thinking about him..
and how sweet he is..
and the song dedication
and just EVERYTHING

I LOVEEEEE YOUUU JASONNN!
MY SENSATION! hehehe
words really cant describe how much you mean to me!
=)

wish you were here..
my heart misses you..
wednesdayyy! come soon!
=)

2008-05-17T23:27:00.003+08:00

Well these days i really have nothing much to update about
just that life is good
even when it gets downright sucky at times
and thats all cuz of my love..

i can be downright "silly"
as he puts it..
and jus plain annoying at times i guess..
hehe..
but he still bares with it all..

And he makes even my worst days into the best days
and i loveee him for that!
LOVE LOVEEEE lovEeee you JASON!! =)

i just hope asal is doing fine..
been days since i've spoken to her
i really dont think she is fine at all..
even though she may appear to be so..
*sighs*

and i hope i can really meet up with amrit soon!
and i gotta go shopping with feefa real soon too!

i need to get prezzies for my dear amrit and feefa..
but i'm broke..
its ok though.. =)

and next week wednesday..
my cute 9 yr old cuzzie has made plans with me..
she treats me like i'm her sister
and it feels weird that she looks up to me..
i guess..i never really thought about
or even knew how much i meant to that lil girl
i actually dont even think my bro looks up to me that way..
the thing is..it jus feels weird that she looks up to me..
cuz i dont think i am all that great anyway..
but i will definitely try my best to be the best i can be for her..

that sweet lil girl is always soo lonely..
being an only child with your parents not being around most of the time..
is really hard on her..
and so she has booked me during the june hols as well..
she wants me to stay over for a few days..
how sweet! =)
ahhh! i just love having a lil sister! hehe

ohoh! my classmates and i took pics the other day..
shall upload them here when i have the time..

my sweetheart and i also went to changi airport
on wednesday..
that day was filled with ups and downs
with lots of memories and first times..
lovedddd that day..
might put up pics soon.. =)

thats all for now..
ciao! =)

2008-05-05T09:52:00.002+08:00

my fears
they keep me awake at night sometimes
and i cant seem to fall asleep
tell me it wont ever happen
tell me everything will go back to the way they once were

recently, i had a dream
i dreamt of sweetheart!
but that dream turned from good to bad
it became a nightmare
why?
cuz..i dreamt of my dear friend amrit
she was telling me to get the hell outta her life
cuz i am never there when she needed me..
that was the worse feeling i ever felt..
i couldnt continue sleeping after that..
who would be able to?

i woke up and texted her saying i missed her
i would call her jus that i cant really talk with
the condition of my sore throat..
and the day after she replied
we chatted on msn and i told her to never feel that way
cuz i am always here for her
even though i aint literally
i'll always make time for her
and all my other friends n loves..
of course my sweetheart..

its just one of biggest fears
-someone i once knew with all my heart
changing to someone i barely know now
(it happened with my bestie and a few others but its ok.. =))
-someone i once thought i didnt really know
to spending so much time with them
and suddenly not being able to
and so them telling me that i'm not a worthy enough friend
(hasnt happened and i wish it to never happen)
-someone forgetting me cuz i wasnt there in their lifes for the longest time
and they thought i moved on without them
(this has happened in some sense..but it was all a misunderstanding
and it got cleared up =))
-neglecting someone/something without meaning to
(in some ways this has happened too..but thank god i have understanding
people around me..weee! )

of course there are many more fears that i have but..
for now..
lets just leave it at this..

i love all you people even though i may not be there all the time
for you guys..i'll try..you know i will =)

2008-05-04T18:23:00.002+08:00

To my sweetie n frens who are reading this..
its not about you guys..
its just me..
am just feeling tired..BLEAGH!
so just ignore my random ranting =D (below)

i've been feeling really drained lately
and it all started when jess asked me
how was sch and how was things n all with me
i told her everythings great but i'm just feeling stressed
and drained

As i thought about it i realised
that having a bf isnt easy
being in a relationship is nvr easy
it really tires me out having to say
the same darn things over n over again
it really tires me when i get home late
after spending the day out with him
after sch ends..
and with me rushing things out
just so that i have free time to spend time with him

it tires me out when i know i have to rush back home too
cuz most of the time when i hang out with him after sch
i get home late
and yet something in me doesnt allow me
to get on with my own things till he's home safe and sound
till he is gonna go to sleep
only after that do i do my stuff and by the end of it all
its so gosh darn late!
and i hav to be up in a few hrs

me feeling so tired makes me dread going to sch
attending my classes have become a drag
and i'm tired of trying to understand
the things i do not understand..

i just feel like giving up
curling up somewhere
*sighs*

with more work piling up
and with soo many problems
with every single thing..
it just really makes me tired of thinking
thinking up solutions to every darn thing
for everyone..even for myself

i just wish i could have a break from life itself
just for awhile..
with nothing to think about
nothing to worry about..
wldnt that be nice for awhile?
just a retreat..
*sighs*

i just need to breathe and take some time off for myself..
i really do..
without the constant smses or phonecalls from everyone..
without everyone needing me
without the constant nagging of my parents
at times i need to be there just for myself too..

i dont wanna wear myself out too thin..
i used to be able to do that n yet i'll be laughing about it
but now..i just cant seem to do that anymore..

i'm not saying that having a bf or
having friends who need you is a bad thing
just that its draining being there for everyone
and you know what..though its draining
its alright..it really is..
cuz at the end of it all
being in my sweetheart's arms is the best feeling in the world
and helping out my friends and seeing them smile
and being carefree feels great
so its alright..

i guess i just stretch myself thin by doing the best i can for the ones i love..
and though its tiring..its ok.. =)
i still at least have sundays for a break
but when even that day turns out busy..
i become a complain queen as seen here..
haha..
gotta go study now..toodles.. =)

2008-05-03T20:28:00.002+08:00

gosh!
i cant believe that I am soo darn busy
that i dont even have time to talk to my friends properly
that I have to dedicate posts to tell them what I wanna..
sad man! sadd!

nevermind..
i noe they understand.. =)

ohoh!! i wanna go vivo!!
spending a night up there
at that open terrace like area is awesome!
the wind! the view!
ooohh! lovelyyy! =)

okayyy..random..haha

okies..am tired of blogging..
gonna go off to study..
toodles!

2008-05-03T20:11:00.003+08:00

To asal loves..

i noe it hurts when you like someone you cant get
it happened to me too
the ones who like you, you dont like and thats fine..
it happened to me too
it jus means you gotta wait a lil longer before someone looks your way
like i did..

remember this love..
dont go finding for love..
let it come and find you..

and when you do find it..
dont let go.. =)

you are really an awesome person
just that you dont let alot of ppl in..
you're afraid of getting hurt..
and thats fine..
we all deal with it differently..

everyone's different..
the way we communicate with others
and our personalities are different..
for you it takes awhile for someone
to really be able to see through to your heart
so give it time love..give it time..

till then..
just know that you are a great person
who's fun to be around with
sensitive at heart
but you try not to show it

and love..know this..
you are truly strong
for you to be able to go through what you have
has made you who you are today
so till someone is able to break through to you
be yourself
dont bother about those assholes ( you know who I am talking about)
things will look up for you
maybe the right person isnt where you are right now..
who knows maybe after you graduate you might just find someone
that someone =)
so keep smiling
and stop worrying
those assholes arent worth it to feel fucked up over

and i know you know it
but i need you to believe it..

love ya darling!! =)

2008-05-03T19:52:00.002+08:00

Everything thats makes me stressed aside..
there's the sweet escape
=)

Ystday after sch met jason..
spent some time in sch
cuz i had a meeting and then had to find some damn book
n after that we went to esplanade to catch
Armchair Critic live in action!
awesomeee i tell you!

then we went up to the roof terrace!
ohh! the memories!
i love that place!
i think if there was one place i would love to spend an entire night at..
it would be esplanade..
cuz its soo near to clarke quay
and places i cant really recall the names of rt nw..haha
all the places where i have had tonns of memories at!

time spent with my darling ystday felt soo short..
even though i got home close to 11..
*sighs*
i just wish that i could live my life the way i want to sometimes
with no restrictions
noone telling me to get home ASAP
noone telling me to do this or that..

i have nvr made alot of decisions solely on my own..
but this one decision i will make on my own
and stand by it

i loveeee youuu jason!!

2008-05-03T19:37:00.002+08:00

Gosh! busy busy busyy!!
Next fri need to meet up with amrit
Next sat might go out with asal
putting all that aside..

i've got work work and more work to do! arGh!
2nd yr is just plain stressful!
first yr seemed way easier than 2nd yr
but then again..it doesnt seem so bad
since my classmates are awesome fun!

Then there are those days when i am soo not in the mood to do anything
and i jus wanna curl up somewhere
but nooo..there's always work to be done..
and when i felt that way ystday
surprisingly class went well even though i got to class late
got an A..like finally!
but that means i gotta work harder..
my head hurts! BLEAGH!
oh well..

on top of that..i'm the head of the events department
for drama camp this yr..
which jus means this entire mth is gonna be hectic for me
and the head of departments arent given any assitants to help out
great! great! just great!
but its ok..cuz i've still got my frens to help me out.. =)

AND then..there's PP
stooopidd project which i am soo stressing about rt nw
jason sweetie is helping me with it
but..i dont want him to help me much with it..
i mean he is already soo tired..
i dont wanna tire him out futher
I jus really hope it gets approved
if not i jus aint gonna effing bother abt it! Grrr!

Then there are UTs coming up!
on Monday (MCB-Molecular Cell Biology)
Tuesday (MS-Material Science)
and the 12th (AP-Applied Physics)

Oh! i gotta rmb all the birthdays coming up too!
gotta get prezzies n i'm broke!
What a wonderful life! =)

2008-04-30T22:48:00.006+08:00

Am sick! lalala
my voice is funny
jason says its sexy.. -___-
when i say RP..it sounds like armpit
hahahaha
and when i say asshole..
apparently it sounds like ash-hold
sanjay ahhh..tsktsk..
and gaya says it gives me a good reason to insult my sch without meaning to
NOW THAT..i likeee! hehehe

jason's the sweetest!
he makes me believe in myself
even when i find it sooo hard to believe in myself
especially when i know i cant do well in something
cuz i really have no knowledge about it..
which is my fault..
but with him believing in me
i started to try believing in myself too!
andddd...my UT didnt seem so hard when i did!

i managed to do it cuz of my classmate jun xian's help
he taught me the basics of chem real quick
i ought to learn from him more often..
he really IS good at teaching!

ANDDD Jason actually surprised me
by coming to my sch and waiting for me outside my class last thursday!
IT WAS REALLY AWESOMEEE!
i really missed him like CRAZY!
which made the moment more sweeter!
and i guess i kinda surprised him too
cuz i came out of the ladies when he was sneaking past my class!
thankfully my class ended early that day!
gosh! i jus ran into his arms when i saw him!
i jus didnt wanna let go..haha

and my classmates were really GREAT!
with them clapping and cheering him on to enter the class
cuz he was TOO SHYY!
my sweetie is soo shyy all the time! and i find it oh-so-adorable!
*jason makes a face and shakes his head*
lalala..hahaha..gosh! i'm bored!!

Anw, that day was absolutely AWESOME POSSUMMMM!!
and ystday he came to see me after my class ended
jus cuz i was sick
i felt soo bad that he did that though..
he was soo tired n sleepy..
that he even snoozed off for awhile when i was doing my work up
he looked soo cutteee sleeping..
but it made me feel sad..

STOOPIDD FATIGUE!
cant you just leave him alone?
wadever did he do to you?
*BLEAGHHHH*
I HATE YOU!! STOOPID STOOPID FATIGUE!
gooo awayyy!! and leave him aloneeee!

ok..on a brighter note..that baby boy of mine surprised me with flowers!!
and they were rosessss! MY FAVVV! =)
GOSH! they are GORGEOUSSS!!
velvety and soft and smooth and that scent!!
lalala..i just love ROSES!
and I love my sweetheart even more than them!
hahaha

gosh! i miss him!
cant wait for Friday! =)
every min with him is just so lovely
i just wish everything will go fine for us..
i really do! =)

2008-04-23T13:31:00.003+08:00

So school's started..and its been great!
3rd week now..
my classmates are fun!
and i dont really have a racist problem now
as compared to the previous class i was in!
gosh! that was terrible!
i barely stayed in class half the time cuz of that..
oh well..thank god thats over.

New classmates are AWESOME.
we have fun together..
tease each other..
and recently we have even began playing some games together
during our long long breaks..
ALL thanks to Sherman! =)

I absolutely love monday's lesson..
its not cuz the module is molecular cell biology(MCB)
which is partially true..
but mostly its cuz of my teammates..
they are fun..we joke arnd and yet we manage to get our work done well
AND we ACTUALLY understand it..haha

But having a great time with my classmates
doesnt mean i dont have time for my other friends..
which has just been GREAT!
there's this perfect balance which i never had
when I was with this bunch of people who loved to sit on their throne
that Nee,Rio and I formed (AUPU)..hehehe..sounds darn funny!

I'm so glad that I moved away from them and got to know Nee
and SOO MANY others..
Everything just somehow fell into place after that..
and I wldnt give it up for the world!

Now, Jason's started work
am missing him now more than ever..
but its okay..i'll figure something out =)
(NEE! GAYA! let's make a plan!)
I'm really proud of him for everything that he's doing
really really am! =)

And I know I can be a bitch sometimes (jason frowns reading this)
okok..fine..i'll take that back..happy? (jason nods his head and smiles )
haha..
he's been great no matter what I might say or do..
LOVE YA sweetheart!

having no school on wednesdays = i'm bored!

oh..yeah! got PP to do!
need help! need help!
7th may is the deadline
and my personal deadline is next week..
*sighs*
gotta get it done..

and my first freaking UT of this sem is next tuesday!!!
its on chemistryyy!
sucky module!
i need help!
i dont understand anything in it!
ArGh!
Time to bring my GPA up up UP!

okay..enough complaining..haha
life's great! =)

2008-04-06T03:42:00.002+08:00

So here's my wishes once sch reopens

1- meet Jason more often! (weekdays and weekends if possible)
2- meet my sec sch frens and outside frens more
3- hope everything will go smoothly once sch reopens
and i wouldnt feel as crappy as how i felt when last semester had ended
4-study hard??..yes yes..study hard! do my pp! and all my other stuff (whatever they are)

and lastly...

SEE JASON MORE OFTEN! hahaha

cant help it!
am missing him alot alot ALOTTTT!!!
=)

2008-03-30T14:03:00.001+08:00

FLAWS
I like them..
its what makes you YOU! =)

2008-03-28T03:03:00.009+08:00

smiling a lil brighter
laughing alot louder
loving even harder
missing all the chatter
makes leaving,such a blunder

this is how you make me feel
got me turning like a wheel
with you being so genteel
your heart shining like steel

it was oh-so surreal
am i making too big of a deal
all these flaws i try to conceal
was i ever your ideal

questions linger making us forlorn
yet in your arms i wanna be every morn
and so we don't care about the thorn
because with you i cant help but be lovelorn

this is for you baby monkey!!! eep! hehehe

and its gonna be 4am!
gosh! i better be off! =)

2008-03-26T19:51:00.002+08:00

With dirt and grime
Alas, even with time
The glimmer and shine all goes down
As situations make us frown

Then, I found this treasure
But its giving a lil pressure
Despite it all we try to smile
Trying not to become senile

I try to understand
Yet I want to defend
My believe, it stands its ground
Oh! Its love I’ve found

At times
Behind pantomimes
I try to hide
Till it all disappears with the tide

Do you see my fears
As I cry these futile tears
I just have no clue
If I’ll ever make you rue

It never is easy
Sometimes leaving me queasy
But it seems
That even my screams
Make no sound
Yet with you, I’m bound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-03-24T23:27:00.003+08:00

Saturday the 22nd
it was a roller coaster ride of emotions
but fun nonetheless

asal's church easter drama thingee
was really really good..
better than the first i must say..

oH! expo's book fair is awesome!
the kind of books they have..
hahaha..nvm..
one should definitely go check it out though..

jason and his jokes always crack me up
and he's just the sweetest ever
kinda like a kid too
wanting to play on the bouncy monkey castle and whatnot..hehe
i dunno wad exactly makes me love him so much
but i guess its everything about him
i've also never had that much fun at changi airport in my life
hahaha
gosh! the way he swept me off my feet n kissed me..
hehe..

noone can replace him
and everytime i wanna tell him how much i love him..
the words just never seem to come out
just tears that flow..cuz thats how much he means to me
and i dont wanna ever lose him

i'm afraid of that..
of the future..

and everytime i wanna tell my mum
about all of this..
i just cant seem to be able to..
it has to wait..just for now..

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty

and i'm gonna cherish everything i have
till i figure it all out

do what you need to-he says
i can't do this without you-she says
i'll be by you, i believe in you-he says
i know you will, its sometimes me i dont believe in-she says
then believe in yourself just like i do-he says
(he thinks why doesnt she see what i see in her?)
what if i walk away someday will you run after me and stop me?
or would you just let me go after everything that we've built? -she questions
would you? -he asks

silence....
questions with no answers
for only time will tell

just for now and maybe forever do me one favour..
hold me tight and never let go
no matter whatever stupid things i do..
all i ask of you
is to save me from myself-she finally says

cuz we all need someone to save us from time to time
cuz sometimes we are only able to see ourselves through someone else's eyes

and what's his reply?..

2008-03-19T03:07:00.002+08:00

its 3 am and i know i'm not gonna sleep early tonight..
but i'll have to try
cuz my mom is gonna wrry if i dont..
bleagh!

gaya has been the most amazing n wonderful person
anyone can ask for..
especially for someone in my shoes
those secret confessions she's able to bring out
and tell me things as they are
which i dont want to truly admit to..

i just want to let you know
even if you might not read this
that i'm not frustrated or upset with you
its just everything is getting to me..
and the bottomline is..
i miss you so much it hurts..
it hurts soo bad..
3 more days..but it feels like torture to my heart
please hold me tight n dont let go
i'll cherish every second spent with you
love you sweetheart..

2008-03-19T01:45:00.004+08:00

MSN and its faults!

when one chats on msn
there are many technicalities involved

you have to understand the person whom you are chatting with well enough
which means to say that you happen to chat with this person
so much so that even chatting online
sounds like a conversation over the phone
and if you dont..then i daresay that the conversation is going to be one
where the tone is either hyper or at least monotonous.

and if you do not know the person well enough to know how he/she chats
please ask if in doubt on what the person is trying to convey across to you
dont assume he/she is pissed or upset at you
just cause the words give that meaning...
one has to look at the tone of it too
and also how it is typed..
and if you are not good at analysing it
and reading the message behind the way one types when chatting on msn..
again please dont assume

and lastly please dont leave the person hanging
MSN is the gateway to misunderstading
and if you dont clear up the misunderstanding
or miscommunication
it makes the person frustrated n pissed off
even when he/she or in this case..
especially me..
wasnt feeling that way in the first place

argh! and now i'm having a headache!
dammit!
on a lighter note..
the nanny diaries is a nice movie to watch =)

2008-03-18T15:53:00.003+08:00

okay..
so here's a reality check
we all need one once and awhile..

so today at around 2plus am till 4am
i did some research on religion
on his and mine
and the conflicts

so roman catholic and islam...
HmM..there were soo many conflicting views
and i do have faith in my religion
but its just some things that i dont follow
cuz i dont understand it
so i have sinned i guess
i'm supposed to go for religious classes and i still havnt

anyway..i researched on the Holy Quran!
and then i read about converting
and so many other things

Now, i'm confused..ok not exactly confused
but i dont know what to do..
i dont wanna lose him just cause of religion..
i love the way he is
his wonderful heart
and everything else good and bad
and i love the way things are now

then again my logical mind tells me..
there's still a long long way to go for us..
i mean..we only know each other for a month plus
we still got to learn so much more about each other

and when it comes to being with someone forever..
its not about their personality and character
but also about how living with them will be like
will you be happy for the rest of your life?
thats a question you have to ask yourself
and i for one know that i'm not that easy a person to live with
so will he be able to bear with me?
i have no idea!

the feeling of love
that you feel for someone also fades as time goes by..
no matter how hard you try to keep it alive..
its not easy..
from what i have experienced with my friends and their relationships
i think i'll only be able to tell if a relationship can work out after 3 years or more..

by then i'll bet my family would start hating me..
oh well..

anyway..
there's still a long way to go
and i think that we should take it real slow
see where it goes..
eventually if it doesnt work out
which i dont think would be the situation at all..
i just hope that we can take a step back
still remaining as really close good friends
cuz by then we'd know so much about each other
and we'd be able to help out each other
but it would hurt soo terribly..

gosh! screw it!
i wanna be with him!
end of story!

2008-03-16T14:38:00.002+08:00

gosh!
this is not easy!

dreams of you have been happening
four days in a row now
making me miss you more terribly then ever
when i get up

and not talking to you?
that's harder!

i look at your smses, pics, stuff
but its not enough
i still miss your voice, your presense

should i break it?

well i still wanna know
(even though i kinda already know what it feels like)
how it'll feel when you're not there at all
i wanna know how much more i'll miss you
and how much it'll ache to not have you there
maybe it'll give me time to think about stuff too

but it makes me wonder how you're dealing with it..
is it any easier for you?
whatever are you thinking about when i'm not there..hMm..
*sighs*

i need to breathe!
just breathe!
for now..

i'll just have to give it time..
my mind's going on overdrive thinking about you
feel like i'm gonna have a headache..
maybe i should just try to sleep properly..

yess! sleep!
i should try sleeping at 12am instead of 6am
but seriously though what's the point
when you miss someone way too much
to the point that you become like a zombie?
lalalala!

can't help it
just can't!

will i have the strength to fight?
will you still be there after it all goes down?
after everything i throw at you?
i dont want you to ever cry
i feel like i'm the reason for those tears
and i dont want to be
i want to be the reason for your laughter and your smile
i wanna be with you through all the good and the bad
and i'll hold on till my fingers bleed
no matter how hard it gets
but then again it's easier said than done..

2008-03-15T02:21:00.003+08:00

late night convos

phonecalls and smses

things that never always go right

pretense

secret confessions

and finally...

laying my life out on a beam
for that hope

thats the hols for me..
how about yours?
haha. =)

2008-03-14T01:43:00.003+08:00

in all that silence
in all that darkness
and in all that despair

i only hope for the best
holding my tongue
retracing my steps
praying never to hurt

i only hope you dont detest
as i crumble helpless
in need of your guidance

when i have lied
to see your smile
i only hope you understand

yet you make me tear
but i make no judgements
your faults are clear

my heart unwavering
wishes it all to stop

stuck on things
that don’t really matter
issues spiral out of control

darling dear
harsh words, intolerance
make for another door
I fear

There’s more to come..
Give and take
Things I gotta learn
Its hard
When you’re still getting to know another
All their imperfections slowly seeping through
That’s with time and then again with it
You find new ways to cope
Difficult..but I’ll try

love you baby! =)

2008-03-05T17:54:00.002+08:00

you give me so much love baby
wadever would i do without you is beyond me
i love you
but i'm so afraid of all this
i'm afraid to be without you
yet i'm so afraid i might hurt you if i am with you too
you trust me and believe in me soo much
that you swear
which you shouldnt
you give me soo much happiness
but somewhere
deep in my heart
i still have that fear
those insecurities
can you take them all away?
i cant breathe..
feel like its suffocating me
and your love is something i nvr wanna give up

2008-03-02T21:42:00.002+08:00

these depressive tears
messin up my functions and gears
is this gravity’s ploy
makin me feel like a stringed up toy
every step i take away from you hurts
scared of what my heart and mind blurts
weavin snatches of a dream
love,joy,people moulded into this beam
that my whole life leans against
caught up in all the rampant angst
i get lost sometimes
in all the drama and the phantom mimes
you show me this beautiful world
of secret fairy tales untold
and yet when i take my step towards luck
i am scared of becomin a sittin duck
for fear of loss
and lettin you become the boss
of this feeble weak heart
once an unforgivin, complete tart
i crumbled at the edges
with just your words and your touches
don’t tell me that santa and fairies are true
cause i ain’t that much of a fool
but i do know bout life
and it’s strives
and if you wanna accompany me
along this long long journey
my heart lays down a red carpet
take my hand and don’t fret
for i’ll always be there for you
like you are for me boo

this is taken from gaya's blog and i think its really sweet
bits of it inspired by me..
and she hopes i can relate to it..

in this dilemma that i'm facing
she and neeraj being there
hearing me out has helped alot
i thank you both alot
and for the poem too

and now that i've come to a decision
that i have
i wonder..
am i making a mistake?
there are so many conflicts
but i want to take them all on
just to get what makes me happy
which is YOU
and i hope you know that dearest
yet i fear..
fear so much that the end
might not be a fairytale afterall..

2008-03-01T13:51:00.002+08:00

words may sting and those are the symptoms of insecurities

my insecurities..
how do i ever know what is real and what is not?
after all that..
i know i built barriers that are difficult to break
no matter what the other does
but you are able to break in
and make me so scared
i dont ever wanna lose you
i dont think i'll ever be the same if that were to happen
you are the only one who can hurt me like you do
and take that pain away like you do too..
i've really never felt this way..

i'm so sorry..
i wont hurt you again..
i never meant to..

but really though..
what if there's someone better for you?
what if you decide that i'm all wrong for you?
and i know you arent that kind of person..
but like what neeraj says..its always a fear
yet again..there's trust
and i trust you
so i'll never think that again

i heart you love!

2008-02-27T16:17:00.002+08:00

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on me
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize

its a nice song by colbie caillat
makes me wonder..

decisions and choices..
both are different..
decisions being harder to make..
choices on the other hand being easier..
the reason?
choices are something you settle for
and you feel that its alright if you regret it..
decisions are something different altogether..
you go for it..dont look back and dont regret it..

i have always made the wrong choices
when it comes to certain things in my life..
and now for once i've decided to make a decision!
lalalala..
and it feels so right

2008-02-23T23:31:00.002+08:00

Making a fool of ourselves.
and then embarassing ourselves.

arent we all afraid of that?

well there are some people who arent afraid.
they are themselves
and they dont let what others say affect them in anyway.

if others laugh at them.
they are glad that people find them amusing.
and best of all, they are able to laugh at themselves.

I think having that kind of fearlessness and confidence is great.

I mean so what if you are fat cause you just love food and hate to exercise?
So what if you can't sing?
So what if you can't dance?

If it makes you happy singing at the top of your lungs
off pitch and outta tune.its cool as long you can laugh at yourself
and you dont get hurt when others laugh at you.
If it makes you happy dancing
even when you cant dance..it's cool as long as it makes you smile
and people around you smile.

afterall..you have one life. live it.
go after what you want
its worth it.
make people around you happy.
its worth it.
but most importantly..be happy with yourself.
afterall..if you dont accept who you are
then who else would?

anyway,
am meeting jason tmr
and i really cant wait
its fun hanging out with him
and he makes me smile =D
sad thing is when he isnt there i miss him
oh well!
hope he likes the surprise b'day gift i'm gonna give him tmr.
i pray i can get it out of the hse without suspicion

living the life i am living isnt great.
lies, cover-up stories, silent tears, the anger, frustration, guilt
gosh! OC dramatics it is!
why cant they just understand?
i want to tell the truth.
i really do.
but everytime i do.
i get hurt.

i realise that dad..
you dont trust me.
and mum..
you arent there for me like you used to.
and you're the only person who understands.
but that is if you know me.
you dont anymore.
and it kills me.

then i have to work my way up again.
gaining everything i've lost in that battle of 4 days or so.

and why cant my brother be more sensitive towards me?
he invades my privacy wanting to know more about my life.
if i tell, i might as well be dead!

i cant handle this.
i cant.
not on my own anyway.
oh well..someday they will know just how much i cant take this.
i really dont know when i will snap.
i just pray it wont be too soon.

my vulnerability is back.
and i hate it.
friends keep me sane and grounded.
i need you guys more than ever now.
loves! =)

2008-02-22T02:41:00.002+08:00

its 2.42 am
and i'm thinking about dreams and possibilities

dreams are possibilities to us
and possibilities become dreams for us
and its the same in many situations of our lives if you think about it
i'm not only talking about it in terms of career and stuff
but about relationships too

but will we ever stive to achieve those dreams?
will we ever think of the possibilities which turn into dreams and make them reality?
i guess that will be a battle of the mind and heart..
an age old battle of logical thinking and a chamber of emotions..
before anything can be said or done for that matter.

i guess it takes time for one to really go after what they truly want
and sometimes when something good is right in front of your eyes..
you dont realise it..till its gone
but by then..its too late..
the opportunity..the possibility..that door has already been shut..
the realm of that dream crumbles
and the chaos it leaves in its wake
is a heart that yearns for that loss
and there's a mind that filled with unrest
till it gets its fill.

i'm not gonna get my hopes up!
i'll keep doing my thing
and you keep doing yours
if ever you feel it's right..
seize that opportunity and let me know
i'll be here.

2008-02-21T20:39:00.002+08:00

stuck on repeat right now..

please please please
i pray
dont let the things that arent supposed to happen happen
we have dreams
who's to fulfill them?
who knows?
all i know is that

this is real, this is good
it warms the insides just like it should
but most of all, most of all
its built to last
(this song is real nice by melee called built to last)

anyway..
all i wanna say is..
i love my frens
they give me strength when i am down
this goes out to neeraj and jason and sanjay for now
and all my galfrens like amrit,fifa and asal

asal: love, you're the one who always tells me things like they are. you give me the harsh reality holding nothing back and you stand by me and care.

fifa:darling, you're the one who can read me like a book and tell me when i'm living a lie which i know i am at times and you make me face it. you always just want me to be happy and ou know how it feels.

amrit: you dont even know the existance of this blog but seeing you after a year..i'll remember the good and the bad times i've had with you. our silent fights that brought us closer. you accept me for who i am. the good and the bad and bear with it. i love you for that.

neeraj: i was hesitant at first. but as i got to know you better, you became someone i could count on to share my problems and complicated situations and talking to you always made me feel better. i thank you for that and cuz of you, i met sanjay! haha. and i dont ever wanna lose you.

sanjay: nee's friend. the first time i saw you i remember the reaction of everyone not talking much around me. weird shit! but hey! getting to know you better thru msn has been great! now i know it'll be more noiser when i'm around!

jason: random! awesome! you have always showed me that you're there for me whether i need you or not..you're still there..getting to know you..taking a leap of faith..taking a risk or two..a chance..it has been great! and i nvr wanna lose you! (so far this is what i feel) =)

of course i could go on n on..but i just wanna stop here for now.
my friends are my escape and they always make me smile..
they care for me lots!
and i love them for it!
and they know how much i love them too!
muacks! and huggies!
love y'all!

anyway! meeting fifa ystday was great!
got a prezzie for someone too!
hope he likes it really!
gonna see jason on sunday!
cant wait!
gaming and fun fun fun!

i'm glad that i walked away from things that made me feel fucked up
and it was the right thing to do too
noone deserves friends who doesnt bother to understand you
and judges you even after knowing you
that just sucks!
noone deserves such a thing!

this warmth!
i want it to last!
wishes..hopes..n dreams.. =)

2008-02-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

[my random ramblingsssss]

so the air's finally cleared up!

the one who has a memory of me in that red satin top
told me he's ready for a relationship
and i dunno wadever did i do to make him think i like him as anything more than a fren..
personally i find him gross..
but wadever..
i said i'm not ready for a relationship
be it him or anyone else..
n its over..
he's quit the cold shoulder he gave me
n we're frens again!

i guess people change
situations change too

neeraj has been an awesome fren!
its been great talking to him all these past few mths
n we finally met proper!
i went over to his place
saying to my parents that I had a drama meeting!
drama is the ULTIMATE excuse!
hahaha

anyway..finally the one who makes me go red in the ears started talking
told me abt his ex
and his band..or at least the one he used to be in
he's soo into metal
something which i have to get used to
n PARAMORE!
i love that band really!
think they'll be awesome someday!

someone new likes me n its obvious..
but asking me out after one convo..
thats CRAZY fast!
so im gonna say no..
till i feel its right. =)

and..then today..
chatted with someone new
n he's really good at putting a smile on my face..
noone else seems to be able to lately..
after a day of convo..
asks me out?
its DEAD fast too!
i dunno wad to do now..
lalalala

there's so much angst in me!
i'm soo pissed at my parents for not allowing me to go to that CNY party
with nat and her two younger twin sisters!
i really feel like i have a social life which i'm not enitled to just because of my parents.
i have done everything they wanted..
wad more now?! it just really really angers me!
and to top it all off..

i miss nat loads n i miss her sisters too!
i miss marie
i miss asal
i miss fifa
i miss amrit even though i met her last week!
n i miss priya!!!
ah damn! someone should just rip my heart out!

i dunno why..
but these past few days..
there's soo much anger in me!
i could just explode!
but i end up tearing up instead.
i guess its back again to those times where anger turns to tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay..now i feel like writing a story. (BE WARNED! it might be harmful to the eyes!)

so there was once this pauper and this princess..
they met randomly in the hi tech of times on the internet
chatted they did but only once for an entire day
the pauper knows that he is not all that princess might be looking for
and the princess knowing that though however penniless the pauper is..
the pauper still brings a smile upon her face

now the pauper asked her out to hang out
n the princess is afraid
afraid that the pauper might see how happy he makes the lil princess
and the pauper might not be here to stay

however afraid she was..
she accepts the proposal to go out
but her parents..
the royal pain in the butt
king n queen might not let her go
unless she lies...
the prince..her bro doesnt make things easier on her either
telling her parents that she would be back in the palace only after dark
something which isnt true..

oh wadever is this princess to do?
the pauper has said to her not to reveal her cellphone number to him
unless the princess is able to meet him
she wants oh-so-badly to see the pauper in all his ragged glory
but will it happen??..
would she lie??..
if the princess does..wadever will she say??
if she makes it out of the palace
will her fear bring her down??

so many what ifs and if onlys are running thru the princess's mind..

and the story will not have a end to it just yet..
will this story be an epic tale of love and tradegy?
guess we'll all have to stick around to find out! =D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and now boredom kicks in again!

guess i'll always be a lil kid
always not knowing what to do
but i'll somehow figure it out one way or another
i'll make mistakes n learn from it n i'll move on
but why does the first stay in my mind?
who is he afterall
if not but just a memory?
sometimes im just a mess i swear!
will someone come my way
and be able to withstand all that i throw at him
for all the pain and hurt and angst i have in me?
will they be able to turn it into something less sinister
and make me whole again.
i can just about dream about it! =D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"i'll take that broken heart of urs
thats filled with so much pain and guilt and hurt and angst
everything..just give it all to me
and i'll give u a heart thats filled with love and nothing else
and our hearts could beat as one
all i ask is for you to take it
and i expect nth in return"

sweet words that are just empty
is just as bad as hMm..idk..lol!

my head is just blank right now!
and i wanna sleep!

more random ramblings some other day maybe aye.. =)

2008-01-25T10:29:00.000+08:00

It really sucks doesnt it..
when u care
when you shouldnt even be thinking about it

i aint supposed to care
but i do
i'm not supposed to be bothered
but i am

feeling so lost about the one
who likes that girl in the red satin top

the other driving me crazy
with the smallest things he does

why cant things be clearer?
now its like an abstract piece of painting
to complex for me to break apart
and see whats beneath it all

"hush hush darling"
"time baby time"
"that is the only thing that tells all"

thats what I heard
but sometimes..
the wait..
it kills.

2008-01-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

you brought back that once forgotten laughter

you are the one and only
who can make me laugh like that
you brought those old forgotten moments
fun and laughter..
all of it..back..
INNOCENCE. BLISS.

and thats why you will now and always be my bestie!

I LOVE YOU DEAR.
MISS YOU TOO! =D

i heart keanuholic who is now also a supernaturaholic!!
who invented words like COOTIE!! (cutie + hottie)
and HOMBIE!! (hottie +zombie)
who is learning french and getting me facinated by it!!
so much so that i invented the word ZOMOTIE!!
LOL!
the only one who would tell me..
dont be sorry you used that vulgarity..
who laughs at the profanity and irony of the phrase
positively revolting! (in our context)

i love her!
and will always!

no matter the distance or time apart from each other..
no matter what people say..
no matter the tears shed..
or the laughter shared..
i know that our friendship will nvr falter! =D

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS IN LIFE WE HOPE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH US!
REMEMBERED! MISSED!
BLESSED! =D

i really wish i could put up pics of us..
but sadly i dont have them in my lappie..

lalala >.<

2008-01-08T18:52:00.001+08:00

I always thought of this blog as a keepsake of memories..
I dont want to lose the memoirs of good times i've had..
actually both the good and the bad..heh!
but now I think it is time for this to become a place where i'll hear myself

Insomnia.

Insomnia:inability to fall asleep or to remain asleep long enough to feel rested, especially as a problem continuing over time .

I guess i'm addicted to it..
I shut my eyes and wake up feeling like I only shut my eyes a min ago..
Yet I dont feel a strand of exhausion..
Like a zombie yet warm..
thats the feeling of unrest i got after having rest

Contradictory.
one might say..
and true enough it is.

I just had what I felt was the longest 45 min bus ride home from sch..
and all that I thought about went of to repeatmode..

lalalala... =D

Scratch this..
Scratch that..
Hell..jus scratch all of it..
like the pages of a book torn from its bindings..
forget it all..
throw it all away..
AND
remember nothing..

hearing silence
but its not deafening
cuz your heart,mind and soul is speaking to you

you're all alone..
no one you know is around you..
you're set apart from the rest in you mind..

yet you feel contented..
listening to that voice..
its yours..
and it talking to you drowning out that lonliness you feel inside..
yes..its drowning out that same lonliness you feel
when you are surrounded with people
who wear those masks to hide their true selves..
was is it that they are hiding when a smile curves their lips?
or when their lips curve down to a frown?
or when their eyes are blank with millions of things running through their mind?
they dont want to share..
they become selfish..
lost in themselves..
they have forgotten how they once were..
why should i care?
why should anyone care?
leave it..
dont bother..
its not worth it..
you deserve to feel way better than jus that..
yes..you do..

Sometimes I think..

if i threw away my phone, my computer, my laptop, my television..

stripped off of all means of communication..

would I be able to acheive that tranquility which I seek..

The answer: NO.

your free-flowing thoughts,emotions and everything..
its alwaes there..nvr leaving you..
to a point where it sometimes overwhlems you..
to a state of exhaustion
and all you want to do is look at the clouds in the sky pass or..
maybe feel the chill of the wind
while raindrops tease you hair and trickle down your face
or maybe feel the searing heat of the sun
as you walk along the seaside cooling your feet..
sinking it deeper in the muddling waters..

you jus want to feel the peace and quiet of life
the tranquility of life that is now easily lost
but difficult to be found..

but what if you had that one friend who made you feel at peace with yourself..
well..once you've felt that..
that feeling becomes an addiction..
one you cannot get an overload of.
honestly. AMAZING. BLIZZZ! ha!

i need to make choices and decisions now..
honestly its easy to walk away from something
rather than fixing something thats already broken..
yet..here i stand not knowing what to do..
cuz its easier said than done to follow your heart..

Ethics..we all have them..
it questions our morality
no one helps tell you where to draw the line
of what is right or wrong..

cuz when it comes to ethics..
sometimes a personal conflict arises
within oneself
when one is told to do something
and their heart says its wrong..

what is right and what is wrong?
who's to say who's to draw the line?
its everchanging in the world we live in today..

but you..
YOU are the only on who ever draws the line..
the rest is up to other's perception..aint it..
dont judge and their boundaries drawn would seem right to you too..
JUDGE and you might just discover a part of yourself
a part you wished not to see.....
then again if your judgement is good..
trust it..
it cant be all that bad..

and thats the end of that.

maybe at least for now..I might have a good night's sleep! weeee!

=D

2007-11-23T14:03:00.000+08:00

Over the days..
did some thinking..
so here goes..

no matter what happens..
i can't stop changes..
i need to let them happen..
if people change...
so be it..
either accept it or move away..

Maybe someone may be so darn close to you now..
and then just because you cannot relate to them..
and someone else relates better to them at that point in time
and you need that person then..
you might drift away from the ones you are close to..

Is 90% bigger or is 10% bigger?
Is 3 years bigger or is 1 mth bigger?
I think it matters not..
Even if you know someone for 3 years..
it is not necessary that you would be closer to that person
Even if you know someone for 1 mth..
it is not necessary that you would not know what the person is like..
inside and out..

I care about the ones I love too much
Is that wrong?
Is being there for your friends that wrong?
Ok..if it isnt..
why is it that, that whenever I try to be close to them..
they somehow..someway tend to move away..
no reasons..
just silence..
and then..disappearance..
for me..its disappointment..

but oh well..
guess its alrite.. =)

2007-11-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

Are you afraid of being that close to me?

Why are you suddenly moving away from me?

Its like suddenly things arent the same as it was before..

You arent as close to me anymore..

I was important in your life once..

you missed me and now do you even care if anything happens to me?

I dont think you do..

you wont..i noe..

But its ok..i'll always care..

i'll always be there..

i'll keep that word of mine to you!

ALWAYS! =D

i look at her and i do not know her

that girl who is crying over spilt milk..

I saw her once, head held high, draped in silk..

and now I see her face drenched in tears

for she dares tell noone of her fears

her friends do not realise she isnt fine

they just can't read between the lines

now she lays in bed

its tweleve past three

she's not feeling fed

nor is she feeling free

puts her hand across her chest

and now she swears

i'm never making the same mistake lest..
her heart shatters and her white flag tears

once again

like on repeat

i feel the pain

its only now she takes a seat

=D

2007-11-10T00:18:00.000+08:00

Rumors..why do people believe hear-says??
"I heard that he is a playboy.."
"I heard that she is a bitch.."

Why believe things people say
and judge someone based on that..
when you dont know the person personally
to even confront the person on the matter..

Ok..now..what if you know that person
and you hear rumours about that person?
would you throw it aside..maybe confront the person..
or would you believe it?..

I for one wouldn't believe it..
but I'm human afterall..
and at times I do believe it
when cirumstances make it beliveable..

yet at the end of it all..
I realise still..that you should never doubt the ones you noe..
maybe when they behave in such a manner
which makes you doubt them
cuz they suddenly seem like strangers..
doubt them..but confront them..
be their crutch!
cuz maybe is it just then that they have lost themselves..
=D

2007-11-08T20:50:00.001+08:00

When you are really sick..
and delusional..
and you want something so badly..
you dream of the impossible.. =)

well..I'm just saying..hehe
<3

2007-11-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

Class just downright sucks!!

Need I say more??!!

School and drama!
argh!!

Boys!!
*sighs*

Friends = <3>

:)

2007-10-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

well talking/chatting with dhana these past few days
have been great
it made me reminisence
think abt alot of things..
about people, friends, life..
when i think about it..
some things hurt me..

my mistakes..
my choices..
my regrets..
but u shldnt regret..
if not u wont be happy..
yet its difficult..

friends..
they were once so close to you and now are so far away
you wonder if they even remeber you..
you send a sms..no reply..
people you once knew..
reply back with a who are u?
sad but true..

we no longer treasure those who were once dear to us..
who were once there for us..
why have we people become so selfish?
thinking about only ourselves?
when was it the last time you thought about someone else?
and been there for that person no matter what..
true that you cannot be at all places at once..
but you can still try to lend a ear..
would it kill us to do so even if our lives slowly become more demanding and busy?
NO..it wouldnt..
when life was so simple before..
people..strangers..who became our friends helped us get thru the days..
now as we grow up..
they change...and everyone's different..
but does anyone try to maintain the bond they once shared?
even if one person does and the other doesnt..what's the point?
it takes two hands to clap..
what has become of those friends of ours..
so busy with life that now they themselves are like strangers to us..
and the ones we expect least to remember us do..
how strangee...

relationships..
we share them with many..
strangers..our friends..our family..our beloveds..
each are different..
but they have all caused hurt in our lifes at point or another..
its never gonna stop..
when are we gonna get used to it?
well..i guess never..
but no matter how hard it gets..
we all try to make it work out in the end..
if we feel that there is hope that the relationship could be better..

Now hope..
hope and faith..
now i know those two are funny characters in the show..
but thats not what i'm gonna touch on..
hope and faith work hand in hand..
as long as you dont lose hope and faith in yourself..
and trust yourself..
no matter what happens..
you will be able to pick yourself up again and again..
even if you have fallen again and again..
nothing precedes the importance of loving yourself..
you may give up on anything..
but never ever give up on yourself..
cuz if you give up on yourself..
then noone else is gonna have hope,faith or trust in you
you are the only person who can be there for yourself 24/7
no matter what anyone else says..
that is the pure bitter truth..
believe it..

I should lighten up!
live my life!
take what may come!
cry if need be!
but be back on my two feet standing as tall as ever!
what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger! =)

2007-10-28T01:31:00.001+08:00

I dont wanna cry anymore!

I just dont!!

Cant someone make this pain go away??

I cant stand this!

I hate you!

why is it that i like you!

and why is it that even when everything is over..
i cant get over you?!

go away!!
:(

I wanna smile!

I wanna be happy!

I sound like a lil kid throwing a tantrum..
oh well..

forget it!

I am gonna be happy..

No more emo sari..
wheeee! =)

2007-10-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

This whole week went by in a blur!
Been busy busy busy!
Monday cut class, ate at subway, went to Geetha's hse
played truth or dare!
had fun fun fun!
Had rehearsals on Tuesday
and on Wednesday was a dull and boring day
but hanging out with Shamini and then..
meeting Letchu and Deepan after such a long time..
made the day a whole lot better! =)
On Thursday rehearsals got cancelled!
Was kinda pissed off at that!
But I had a good time
with a last minute meetup with Thasha and Dhana!
Thasha is the cutest!!
And ASAL! you are the hottest babe to me!
On Friday attended a talk,
Amir is such a skate fanatic!
attended Benny's show which was hell awesome!
and hung out with Dhana again!
Did my RJ for once with the pestering of Dhana of course!
he is sucha sweety!

These past few days I have realised that everyone is changing!
It kinda sucks that my bestie isnt there for me anymore
and the drama peeps arent at all as close as before
everyone's different
hanging out with others
where's the bond all of us once shared?
where's the love?
what happened?
we all changed and we all have to move on..
=)

2007-10-23T16:13:00.000+08:00

Yo yo....
I'm kinda bored so I'm trynna drop some rhymes
Where's da Ms.Kitten she goes missing at times
Finish up ur work fast hurry up the time flies
If ya free do battle me just drop punch lines...

U caught me in a spell I guess
i can't run away now
My desktop is an utter mess
please don't ask me how
Is that a smile again in ur face
whoa that's so wow!
second four lines
i end right here
so I'ma take ma first bow

Why keeping so silent just type ur thoughts flow
Once u start writing the first few words you'll get more
If you're buzy and need to do your work just tell me i shall go
I donno why i feel so bored but the day's so dull from dawn

Okie i'm done now the faci is here
but will continue to chat with you
I know whatcha thinking i may be the crapiest guy u'd ever knew
I can keep ya company if ya want
till u finish ya class very soon
I'll finish ma crapy line all here and give u nudge with a peek-a-boo

aint it cute?? hehexz!
it just makes my day at times..
and of course the person who wrote it..=)

2007-10-23T10:48:00.000+08:00

Like the wind I will creep in
To the scented chamber u sleep in
caress you head down to the toes
and kiss you behind the closed doors
tickle ur feet but u wouldn't wake up
stare at ur facial beauty no make up
whisper to ur ears a sweet lullaby
and make u dream behind those eyes
I can do more things that u wouldn't guess
To give u a good sleep but nothing else....

I love this poem! whoOtS! hahaxz..
total randomness!! =)